- Lister... - The way she used to. Oh, the sex, the brilliant sex!
- Er, Lister. Lister. How do you know? - I'm just having a guess!
Kindly dont! No one will ever know
how beautiful the relationship between me and Lise Yates was.
How could you do this, to me? It's the most heartbreakingly tragic thing it's ever been my misfortune to witness.
Popcorn?
I'm sorry, man. Obviously, I thought I was doing you a favour.
What's this got to do with jigsaws, broken legs and Godzilla-size footprints, eh?
- Right, smegbrain, prepare to die! - Eh?
- I found the letters. - What letters?
- Don't give me "what letters?"... THE letters. - What letters?!
You went out with Lise Yates too. I found the letters she sent you.
Oh, smeg!
All the time she was going out with me, she must've been seeing you as well, behind my back.
And what is more, to pour salt into the wound, you used to take her to the exact same places I used to take her.
- And do the exact same things. - Rimmer, it's not what it looks like.
That woman is unbelievable.
We stayed a night in a hotel in Southport and made love six times.
According to her letter, you were in the exact same hotel and you made love six times, too!
Listen...
Twelve times a night? What is wrong with the woman, she's sex mad!
Listen!
It's a good job you were there. If i'd have been there on my own I would have been dead within a week.
But it doesn't make sense. I mean, she loved me.
Listen, listen. She wasn't going out with us both at the same time.
Come on, I've checked the dates.
- She wasn't going out with you at all. - She...
- She didn't go out with me at all? - No, you've never even met her.
Is that the best you can do, Lister. That's below feeble!
I went down to the Hologram Simulation Suite and I gave you eight months of my memory.
- What? - It was a present.
You gave me eight months of your memory as a present?
Yeah.
That's why I was an orphan, even though my parents were alive.
That's why I had my appendix out twice.
I thought it was what you needed.
You've destroyed me, Lister.
The woman I loved most in the whole world didn't love me, she loved you.
Rimmer, listen...
Rimmer, listen... Rimmer!
Oh, smeg!!
You should have bought him a tie.
Come on, Rimmer. You've experienced love.
It made you more confident, more secure.
- It didn't happen. I never even met her. - It did happen.
I mean, you fell in love with her in a way I never did. She's yours, now. Nothing can take that away from you.
That time she stuck her tongue down my ear. It wasn't my ear at all. It was your ear.
The woman I loved most in the whole world had her tongue down your ear.
The most romantic thing I've ever had down my ear is a Johnson's Baby Bud.
Come on, as far as you're concerned you had a love affair, right? Which was wonderful, yeah?
And for some reason that you can't understand, it all went hideously wrong.
Well, so what? Join the club, bucko. It's just you, me and everyone else in the world.
- I don't want to feel like this anymore. - So, you're in pain, yeah?
No, but Rimmer, if you go through life without feeling,
You go through life never experiencing, you're no better than a jellyfish,
no better than a bank manager.
I don't want this feeling anymore. I want my own memory back.
OK. OK. OK. I'll erase the last four days. Lise Yates will never have happened.
- But you'll know about it. - Well, I'll erase my memory from Sunday, too.
- And the Cat's and Holly's. - Fine, if they agree.
- What about the black box? - I'll destroy it.
- It's indestructible. - OK. I'll shoot it off into space.
- Someone might find it. - OK. OK. We'll bury it! We'll bury it on some planet, yeah?
(LISTER) I'm going to drop it, I'm going to drop it. Put it down, man. Put it down!
(THUD)
(CAT) Why does he want a gravestone? (LISTER) He said he wanted something somewhere, y'know?
so it didn't, like, disappear.
(GRUNTING)
(LISTER AND CAT SCREAM)
(LISTER) Arrrgh. I've broken me foot! Ah! It's broken. (CAT) Help me find my toes!
OK, that's it.
Let's go and erase our memories.
# It's cold outside
# There's no kind of atmosphere
# I'm all alone, more or less
# Let me fly far away from here
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun
# I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
# Drinking fresh mango juice
# Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun #
Scene Timeline
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