1
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,040
(TYRES SCREECH)

2
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,160
(SIRENS WAIL)

3
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,960
(AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE)

4
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,720
(GUNSHOTS)

5
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:44,360
(HORNS BLARE)

6
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,680
Ohh!

7
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,400
Man.

8
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,680
Oww! Hey, bud. Where you been?

9
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,720
Just got back from the Dentibot.
I needed a filling.

10
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,280
Bet you chickened, though, right?

11
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,560
Soon as that robo-drill started
screeching, I bet you were gone.

12
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,000
Yeah. How do you know that?

13
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,320
You're still wearing a bib.

14
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,400
Who needs a dental bot anyway, man?

15
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,520
Half a bottle of GELF hooch,
can't feel a thing now.

16
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,640
Anywhere.

17
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:10,680
Starting to worry, actually.

18
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,360
If it was me,
I'd get my teeth fixed, Gummy.

19
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,200
Otherwise in a couple of years,
you'll be flossing with towrope.

20
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,400
Eeh, eeh, eeh.

21
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,440
(GUNSHOT)

22
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,960
- Can you hear that?
- Hear what?

23
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,400
That! Can't you hear it?

24
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,040
It's driving me crazy.

25
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:35,400
All over the ship, wherever I go,
there's this really annoying whiny sound.

26
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,880
Yeah, it's you. Stop talking, it goes.

27
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,400
Still there.

28
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:40,640
You're still talking!

29
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,880
Lister. This ship is falling apart.
I need some help.

30
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,720
Don't look at me, Rimmer. I am busy today.

31
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,520
Busy? And what are you doing today
that makes you so "busy"?

32
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,680
I'm getting drunk.

33
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,040
That's your day?

34
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,440
Not just any old drunk.

35
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,760
I'm talking traffic-cone-hugging,
pavement-licking kershnickered.

36
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,160
That's my day. Cheers.

37
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,080
Er...what's this?

38
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,600
Ah, I'm making a Father's Day card.

39
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,200
You're making a Father's Day card?

40
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,200
You? Who to?

41
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,680
Well, let's round up the suspects,
shall we, Sherlock?

42
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,560
First up, there's me dad.

43
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,400
But you're your dad.

44
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,280
You went back in time
and left your baby self

45
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,840
under a pool table in a cardboard box.

46
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,400
You're your own dad.

47
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,400
So therefore I shouldn't get
any Father's Day cards?

48
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:40,040
It's not my fault that due to some
time-travelly paradoxy sci-fi smeg

49
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,840
I happen to be my own dad.

50
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,600
I do this every year.

51
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,600
I write myself a "Thanks for being
such an amazing dad" card,

52
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,600
then I drink myself into oblivion
so I forget what I've written,

53
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:53,080
and then 12 months later, on Father's Day,
which, by the way, happens to be today,

54
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,360
Kryten delivers a Father's Day card
and I haven't got a clue what it says.

55
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,000
How cool is that?!

56
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,960
- Morning, sirs!
- Oh, he hasn't!

57
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,840
Oh, I think he has, sir.

58
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,720
He never forgets his old dad.

59
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,560
I don't know how he finds the time,

60
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,680
what with all the things
he's up to as well.

61
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,280
Aww.

62
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,120
Look at that!

63
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,360
Dreads!

64
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,080
Brilliant!

65
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,880
I mean, how funny is that?

66
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,320
Oh! What a brilliant card.

67
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,280
Made it himself, you know.

68
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,320
Oh, look, a bit of poppadom!

69
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,640
Poppadom!

70
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:30,760
Aww.

71
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:32,760
Aww.

72
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,960
Aww!

73
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,320
So thoughtful.

74
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,320
- Aww.
- Wait a minute.

75
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,360
How can you even stand your dad?

76
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,920
He abandoned you in a pub
in a cardboard box.

77
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,320
The only thing he's ever given you
your whole life

78
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,480
is a rattle and a few air holes.

79
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,000
What kind of a dad is that?

80
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,760
That's true, yeah.

81
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,880
That's right.

82
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,520
That's...that's not right, that, is it?

83
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,640
There it is again, that whiny sound.

84
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:02,960
You're talking again!

85
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,400
RIMMER: Number 32-12 required,

86
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,840
and a replacement
valve-housing gasket for 17.

87
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,400
Noted, sir.

88
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,080
I thought the new computer
was supposed to be helping with all this.

89
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,840
It's not uploaded yet, sir. Later today.

90
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,360
MACHINE: Hey, Kryten, how's it going?
Great night last night.

91
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,640
You can say that again, 16!

92
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,240
We had quite a night of it
last night, sir.

93
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:30,000
Me and a bunch of the dispensing machines
got together and played Chinese Whispers.

94
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,840
We had so much fun.

95
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,480
Now, the sentence started as,

96
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,120
"I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit,
on the slit sheet, I..."

97
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,360
- Kryten.
- Yes, sir?

98
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,760
- Shut up.
- Yes, sir.

99
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,680
I'm not remotely interested in some
stupid parlour game you were playing

100
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,600
with a talking condom machine
and two Lil-Let dispensers.

101
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,160
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Thank you, sir.

102
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:49,560
While we're at it, Chinese Whispers -
isn't that racist?

103
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,080
Basically, what you're saying
is that Chinese people

104
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,960
can't convey a simple piece of information
to one another.

105
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,920
Now, if that's the case, how come
they invented acupuncture, gunpowder...

106
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,400
laundry, and those funny little hats?

107
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,600
Chinese Whispers -
it's offensive, racist and wrong.

108
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,960
Ask around, I think you'll find I'm right.

109
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,200
So, how can I help?

110
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,080
I need some advice.
I wanna be a better father to my son.

111
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,320
What kind of person is your son?

112
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:18,560
Ooh, tough question.

113
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,760
If I had to sum him up in one word,
it would be...ohh...

114
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,200
awesome?

115
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,480
And he's smart.

116
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,760
I mean, OK, not book-smart, but that's
only cos he hasn't read any books.

117
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,720
If he had, then who knows?!

118
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,480
And he's a killer guitarist.

119
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,400
You know, when he's had a few,
he is up there with Hendrix.

120
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,400
So what's the problem?

121
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,080
He's in a rut.

122
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,400
He's not going anywhere.

123
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,760
No job, no girlfriend, and to be honest,

124
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,160
I know I shouldn't,
but I kind of blame myself.

125
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,480
So he's a total bum.

126
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,520
Total bum?! I don't think so.

127
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,200
A bum, maybe, but total bum? No way.

128
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,800
(BLEEPING) Ah! That's weird.
I don't seem to have your son on file.

129
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,600
Ah, well, there's a reason for that.

130
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,440
He should register! He's missing out
on a whole raft of privileges.

131
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,320
Is he?

132
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,720
Free Christmas champagne!

133
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,560
His own TV and game package!

134
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,080
It'll only take five minutes.

135
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,920
Quick medical, so we can set up his bios
for stasis, and he's done.

136
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,160
What's his name?

137
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,560
- Dave.
- Same as you!

138
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,760
I'll open a file for him right now.

139
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,160
Done. OK, here's what I think.

140
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:27,640
Tough love.

141
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:28,680
Tough love.

142
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:29,720
Set him goals.

143
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,320
He doesn't achieve those goals,
kick his butt.

144
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,120
Kick it hard! Tough love.

145
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,320
- Tough love?
- Tough love.

146
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,440
That's a great question, Kryten.
Is Chinese Whispers racist?

147
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,960
Leave it with me. I'll do some research.

148
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,040
Hi, Garby.

149
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,680
So you're a cat of the world -
what do you think?

150
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,440
Eh, I dunno, 16.

151
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,200
But you got me intrigued.

152
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,880
Let me ask around.

153
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,240
Thank goodness for that derelict, sir.

154
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,440
I am just so excited at the prospect
of having a new computer!

155
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,960
We so miss Holly.

156
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:08,320
It's true - we just don't get the same
quality of cock-up these days, do we?

157
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,440
OK, sir. The computer is ready to launch.

158
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,240
Here we go, the "pref" menus.

159
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:14,440
Ah.

160
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,800
Male or female?

161
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,480
Female. Not really bothered.

162
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,440
Doesn't really matter. Female.

163
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,840
Age - 25, 50, or 75?

164
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,120
Whatever.

165
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:27,160
Let's not get held back by this, Kryten.

166
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,440
25.

167
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,240
Blonde or brunette?

168
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,360
Honestly don't care.
It doesn't matter. Not important.

169
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,600
Blonde.

170
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,120
Breast size.

171
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,360
I can't honestly believe they actually
still ask that question these days.

172
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,120
It's absolutely ludicrous, it really is.

173
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,400
I totally agree with you, sir.

174
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,000
I'll choose the first one.

175
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,680
- 30A.
- Hang on!

176
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,040
What's the hurry, Kryten?

177
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,760
Everyone knows you don't just pick
the first thing that comes into your head.

178
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,320
What's that one down there at the bottom?

179
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,920
That's...a 36D, sir.

180
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,600
Fine. Go with that one.

181
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:03,760
Whatever.

182
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,720
36D it is.

183
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,240
- I've already highlighted 30A, sir.
- Kryten,

184
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,520
don't argue. 36D it is.

185
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,440
- But sir!
- Kryten, it's not important.

186
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,160
I don't know why you're making
such a fuss about this.

187
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,320
36D. Select it. Moving on.

188
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,760
But I'm not making a fuss, sir.

189
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,920
- I'm just...
- OK, I'm pulling rank.

190
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,920
I order you to select 36D
as the breast size for the new computer.

191
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,280
And that's an order.

192
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,280
Selected, sir.

193
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,680
Ah, now...

194
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:31,840
Personality.

195
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,200
- Whatever.
- Oh.

196
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,400
Accent?

197
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:35,760
Whatever.

198
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,800
- Frame size.
- Your call. Let's launch. Who cares?

199
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,560
KRYTEN: Close-up chosen.

200
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:41,880
Ah, there we go.

201
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,320
Oh, I really like that frame size,
don't you, sir?

202
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,640
Hey-hey! Ooh!

203
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,640
Hello. My name's Pree.

204
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,480
It will take a few moments
for my database to initialise.

205
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,560
Oww! Nice pixels!
Hey, buds, what's happening?

206
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,600
We're just launching
the new computer, sir.

207
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,920
Here we go.

208
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,200
Greetings, gentlemen.

209
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,720
My name is Pree,
and I will be your new ship computer.

210
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,800
I have many functions,
including predictive behaviour technology.

211
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,640
- Predictive what?!
- Like predictive text on a cell phone,

212
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,040
predictive behaviour technology

213
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,080
anticipates your actions
based on past behaviour

214
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,040
and performs
the rest of the action for you.

215
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,720
- How's she able to do that?!
- Well, best guess,

216
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,840
she builds behavioural algorithms
from the ship's security footage,

217
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,600
so she's able to guess
how we're most likely to behave

218
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,240
in any given situation.

219
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,880
Exactly right, Kryten.

220
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,440
What about maintenance?

221
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,400
Can you repair the ship's
engineering faults?

222
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,000
I already anticipated
you'd ask me that question, Arnold,

223
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,920
and I've repaired all the faults
on B Deck already.

224
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,560
There is now a 98% probability
you will discuss

225
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,960
my potential for changing your lives

226
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,960
and reach the conclusion that you're
looking forward to seeing me in action.

227
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,000
You now no longer need to have this
conversation and can do something else.

228
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,560
So now we don't have that conversation

229
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,560
and move straight on
to the next conversation?

230
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:50,800
Your next conversation

231
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,320
is a conversation about
not having the previous conversation,

232
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,840
saying you were looking forward
to the previous conversation,

233
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,040
and now feel a bit lost,
not having had that conversation.

234
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,440
You conclude you will probably get used to
hearing the results of your conversations

235
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,120
and no longer having
the conversations yourselves.

236
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,280
Hey! New computer!

237
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,480
Predictive.

238
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,360
Knows what you're likely to say and do
in any given situation.

239
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,800
Heh-hey, that could come in handy!

240
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:14,960
Got a job for you.

241
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,080
I know.

242
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,760
(GROANS)

243
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,480
Kebab pillow.

244
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,040
I must have got trashed last night.

245
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,720
Throbbo.

246
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,720
What's this?

247
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,560
Don't remember making this.

248
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,600
Hi, son.

249
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,800
It's your old dad here.

250
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,920
- Dad!
- Here's the plan.

251
00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,960
I'm gonna give you some advice.

252
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,800
Kind of a "do as I say, not as I do"
kind of style.

253
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:09,640
Then I'm gonna get totally trashed
so I forget what I've said,

254
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,400
and then when you watch this,

255
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:16,200
you'll feel like you've got a totally
normal, ordinary, regular dad, yeah?

256
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,960
I don't remember making this.

257
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,960
Rimmer's right.

258
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,920
I've never been a proper dad to you.

259
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,160
Never watched you play zero-gee,

260
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,360
never encouraged you, gave you advice,

261
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,040
kicked your big fat butt
when it needed kicking.

262
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,800
Maybe that's why
you've ended up like this.

263
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,200
Like what?

264
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:42,680
You're a big, big disappointment to me,
David, you really are.

265
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,040
- What?
- No ambition. Sitting about.

266
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,120
Wasting your life away.

267
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,840
And you're not looking after yourself.

268
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,640
And you drink too much.

269
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,080
It's getting worse.

270
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,800
I'm doing OK.

271
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,920
"I'm doing OK," you're probably saying.

272
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,040
"I'm doing OK." But you're not.

273
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:05,040
I mean, you could have been so much
more, and-and you know it.

274
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,480
Who are you to tell me what to do?
What have you ever done with your life?

275
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,520
(BOTTLES CLANK)

276
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,200
(MORE BOTTLES CLANK)

277
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,760
You've gotta get yourself an education.

278
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,200
At least get good at something,
and then...

279
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:33,120
and then build a home, a proper home,
and then go and find Krissy.

280
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,040
And how do I do all of that?

281
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,920
Er..

282
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,440
Step one.

283
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:41,880
Enrol in the Jupiter Mining Corporation
engineering programme.

284
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,680
Er, step two, get that filling fixed.

285
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,320
And then play the next message.

286
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,000
So!

287
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:55,160
You had to enrol in the Jupiter
engineering mining programme

288
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,720
and get that filling fixed.

289
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,760
How did it go, eh?
D'you make your old man proud?

290
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,280
You didn't do it did you, David?

291
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,760
No!!

292
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,720
You just skipped ahead to the next
message to see what I'd say, didn't you?

293
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,080
Yes, Dad.

294
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,120
I knew you'd do that. It was a test.

295
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,560
- Sorry, Dad.
- Now, get your filling fixed,

296
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,520
no messing,
then play message three, yeah?

297
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,440
What, d'you think I'm stupid?
Is that what do you think?

298
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,000
D'you think I'm stupid, eh?

299
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,760
Get the filling fixed,
then play the next message!

300
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:28,840
What the smeg?

301
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,320
Don't swear.

302
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,840
How the smeg d'you know
I was gonna swear?

303
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,440
Let me make one thing
crystal clear, young man.

304
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,720
I will not be having any of your nonsense.

305
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,280
While you're living under my roof,
on my spaceship,

306
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,400
you abide by my rules.

307
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,440
And if you don't like it
well, you know what you can do.

308
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,960
Now, if you skip ahead one more time,

309
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,760
I'm gonna flush that guitar of yours
out of an airlock.

310
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,960
Now, get the filling done now.

311
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,480
Thought I'd finally do
what you wanted, did you?

312
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,840
Well, you got that wrong.

313
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,920
Message four. Good.
We're finally making some progress.

314
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,600
- Wrong!
- Finally learned a little bit of respect.

315
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,320
- Wro-ong!
- By the way, see your guitar?

316
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,960
Go on. Go over there.

317
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,400
Give us a song.

318
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,000
What's he up to?

319
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,360
Have a look out of that porthole there.

320
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,720
See that tiny speck
half a light year away?

321
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,640
That's your Gibson Les Paul, that is.

322
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:36,840
No!

323
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,720
Tough love. D'you want some more?

324
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:43,440
Now, enrol in the mech engineering
programme and get the filling done now!

325
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,640
Or you'll get some more Daddy Discipline.

326
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,840
I really loved that guitar!
You don't understand me!

327
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,760
I hate you! Bastard!

328
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,440
Evening, Pree.

329
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,720
Glad you had such a good day, Arnold.

330
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,480
So sorry this evening's
going to be such a nightmare.

331
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,200
Ah, but it's not.
I'm gonna put my feet up and watch TV.

332
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,160
Put on Victory South for me, will you?

333
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:17,000
A fascinating drama series about the
American Civil War where the South win.

334
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,880
Loved series one,
really looking forward to series two.

335
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,800
I deleted all 24 episodes
earlier this morning, Arnold.

336
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,040
What?!

337
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,400
I watched them all yesterday,
and you didn't enjoy them.

338
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,280
But I haven't seen them.

339
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,280
But if you had,
you wouldn't have enjoyed them.

340
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,360
But series one was brilliant!
Why didn't I enjoy them?

341
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,400
All your favourite characters
were killed off,

342
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,520
including the busty blonde heroine
with no personality.

343
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,720
Aww, I loved her.

344
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,040
What am I supposed to do now?

345
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,400
I thought you could use that time
more fruitfully,

346
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,960
perhaps finally reading War And Peace.

347
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,520
I want to unwind, relax.

348
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:55,480
Not read a book that's longer
than Rapunzel's pubic hair.

349
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,600
Sir, come quickly!
B Deck is in total disarray!

350
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,080
B Deck, the floor Pree repaired?
Pree, what's happened?

351
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,960
I thought you were gonna repair all this!

352
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,480
I did. And thanks to

353
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,600
my predictive capabilities,
I was able to carry out the repairs

354
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,760
in the exact manner
you would have instructed.

355
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,040
It's one botch-up after another,

356
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,000
with no regard to safety procedures
or good workmanship!

357
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,160
Exactly.

358
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,560
How can you be a top computer
if you do something like this?

359
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,440
I didn't, Arnold, you did.

360
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,200
I merely duplicated
what you would have done.

361
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,480
I don't understand!

362
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,920
I'm programmed to align myself
with the ship's senior officer

363
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,080
so computer and crew can perform as one.

364
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,600
What the senior officer would do,
I do for them.

365
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,720
You're saying because I would have cocked
all this up, you cocked it all up for me?

366
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,600
Precisely.

367
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,320
Well, this is really embarrassing.
What do I do now?

368
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,560
You now have a conversation with Kryten
where you blame him for everything

369
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,160
and then stride off indignantly.

370
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,320
There is now no need
to have this conversation

371
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,680
and you go straight to your exit.

372
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,400
Is this the line for the Dentibot?

373
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,840
Get in the queue, bud.

374
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,320
What's up?

375
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,760
Oh, filling.
Finally decided to get it done.

376
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,560
Got a question for you.
Been driving everyone nuts.

377
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,400
If anyone knows, you'll know.

378
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,760
Here's the question.

379
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,320
Are Chinese whiskers racist?

380
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,080
- Are Chinese whiskers racist?
- Mmm.

381
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,880
D'you mean those wispy little
Mandarin beards like Fu Manchu?

382
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,600
Exactly.

383
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,680
Dunno. D'you know who might know?

384
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,440
That Asian fast-food machine on B Deck.

385
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,120
- Taiwan Tony?
- Taiwan Tony. Bet he'll know.

386
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,840
Why would he know?!

387
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,360
Cos Taiwan Tony's from Taiwan,
and Taiwan's a bit... Chinesey.

388
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,160
Taiwan's a bit Chinesey?

389
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,440
Of course it is!

390
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,840
I'll ask him.

391
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,040
(WHISTLES)

392
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,040
Hang on, what are you doing here?

393
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,120
Heard we're nearly out of anaesthetic.
Thought I'd grab the last tank.

394
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,000
We've only got one tank of anaesthetic?

395
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,160
One tank, and I'm gonna grab it!

396
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,760
But you don't need it, right?

397
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,120
Don't need it now. But one day I will!

398
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,680
I'm always collecting things I don't need
for when I need 'em.

399
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,520
You got to think ahead!

400
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,160
But I need that anaesthetic now.

401
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,240
See? You didn't think ahead!

402
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,720
This is what I'm saying.
You got to think ahead.

403
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,760
Look, I've got a cavity a stretch limo
could do a three-point turn in.

404
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,360
I need that anaesthetic.
How about we share?

405
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,560
Hey, bud, never ask a Cat to share.

406
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,800
As a smash in the face often offends!

407
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,320
- (BINGING)
- Hey, that's me!

408
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,840
Wish me luck.

409
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,960
You realise we are out of anaesthetic.

410
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,440
It's only pain, right?

411
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,680
I can handle it.

412
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,120
Proves I'm alive.

413
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,000
I embrace it.

414
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,240
And as for the brain-smouldering agony,
I've been told I'm not squeamish.

415
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,240
I can certainly watch
those medical programmes

416
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,800
where they pull the beating heart
out of a human chest and still eat pizza.

417
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,600
So, a new filling, without anaesthetic?
I say come on,

418
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,360
bring it on.

419
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,200
Let the drilling commence.

420
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:59,040
(DRILL WHIRRS)

421
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,080
Hey, that's the second bib
we've lost this week!

422
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,480
Great chow mein.

423
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,040
(PARODY "ASIAN" ACCENT)
Oh, you like the chow mein?

424
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,560
That good. I make it myself.

425
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,760
- Got a question for you.
- Hmm?

426
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,040
Are Chinese whiskers racist?

427
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,360
Ohh. That a very strange question, Mr Cat.

428
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,280
Leave with me. I ask people.

429
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,480
People who pass, I ask, every time.

430
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,720
Thanks.

431
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,880
Did you get that filling done?

432
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,480
Yes, sir. I did, sir.

433
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,200
All filled up. All done.

434
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,280
Don't you lie to me, David Lister.

435
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,880
You chickened out again, didn't you?

436
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,200
Yes, Dad.

437
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:41,640
Well, this is gonna hurt me
a lot more than it's gonna hurt you.

438
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,120
But you... you leave me no choice.

439
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,400
Ohh!

440
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,320
Hello? Aspirin.

441
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,400
Hello?

442
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,080
I'm afraid the dispensers, Dave, are only
programmed to serve registered crew.

443
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,800
Oh, new computer, hi!

444
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,480
I am registered crew.

445
00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,640
Not any longer, former crewman.

446
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,440
You resigned from Red Dwarf last night.

447
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,280
Resigned? You what?

448
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,760
Oh, that wasn't me! That was me dad!

449
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,320
Who, OK, is me, but it wasn't me
that resigned, it was him.

450
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,560
Look, we'll start again. I'm me,

451
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,040
and my dad's me,
because I'm my own dad.

452
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,720
Now, to teach me a lesson,
he - my dad - resigned.

453
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,880
Although he resigned and he is me,
I don't wanna resign cos I'm not him,

454
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,360
even though he's me.

455
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,720
It's clear.

456
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,480
Totally clear, former crewman.

457
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,880
Don't say "former crewman"!
Present crewman.

458
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,920
Your resignation has just been processed

459
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,560
and your free oxygen allowance
will terminate today at noon.

460
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,560
That's... ten minutes' time!

461
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,240
D'you know what?
I'll just re-enlist.

462
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,880
The only way to re-enlist is to apply
for one of the JMC undergrad programmes.

463
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,200
Ha! Yeah. That was his plan all along.

464
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,360
Just one question, former crewman.

465
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,400
Are you 21 or under?

466
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,520
Well, my haircut is. Does that count?

467
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,960
I'm sorry, former crewman.

468
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,000
That makes you ineligible
for the programme.

469
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:03,440
And since the JMC is no longer obligated
to provide you with oxygen,

470
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,320
your free supply will end
in eight minutes and counting.

471
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,240
Ooh! I really need oxygen,
it's really important to me lifestyle!

472
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,960
You need to leave.

473
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,600
I'm not going anywhere.
Where will I go? I'm not leaving.

474
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:15,720
You're leaving.

475
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,440
No, I'm not. I'm staying here.

476
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,000
You just watch me not leave.

477
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,160
WOMAN'S VOICE: Dave!

478
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,320
Is that you?

479
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,680
Dave!

480
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,840
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

481
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:52,440
My friend, Mr Cat,
he has very strange question.

482
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,640
So, I ask everyone who pass.

483
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,320
See if they know.

484
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,640
What's the question, TT?

485
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,000
Do...

486
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,520
Chinese knickers have braces?

487
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,440
"Do Chinese knickers have braces?"

488
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,760
Well, I suppose some of them do.

489
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,680
Maybe for that extra feeling
of security if, say,

490
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,520
you're a woman jumping
out of a plane in a skirt.

491
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,800
That what I thought!

492
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,880
Who wants their pants flying off
at 10,000 feet?

493
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,680
It a long way down,
and draughty all the way.

494
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,680
Leave it with me, TT. I'll ask around.

495
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,760
Oh, you know who might know?

496
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,400
Dispenser 55, down on G Deck.

497
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,240
Don't waste your time! He know nothing!

498
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,440
He all pre-package! All microwave!

499
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,040
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

500
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,720
(ALARM BLARES)

501
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,880
No way. Can someone help?!

502
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,520
Help me!

503
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,400
I'm being apprehended!

504
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,520
Kryten, help me!

505
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,120
I'm being chucked out!

506
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,520
Your JMC oxygen subscription
will end in 30 seconds.

507
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,880
Hang on, I've gotta get my gloves on!

508
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,240
And counting.

509
00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:16,880
Look, I'm not ready!
I've gotta get my stuff on!

510
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,000
Expulsion time, ten seconds and counting.

511
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,040
(MUFFLED COMPLAINTS)

512
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,440
Ten.

513
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,040
- Nine. Five. Four.
- Just give us ten seconds...!

514
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,960
Aaah!

515
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,800
That wasn't ten seconds!

516
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,800
Thank you for breathing JMC oxygen,
and we hope sometime in the future

517
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,560
you'll decide to breathe our oxygen again.

518
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,120
Have a safe onward journey. Goodbye.

519
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,880
(ALARM BLARES)

520
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,720
What the hell is that?

521
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,400
An airlock's opened,
and the ship's just ejected something!

522
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,160
Oh! It looks like a little man
in a spacesuit!

523
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,400
That's not a man. That's Lister.

524
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,080
What's he doing out there?!

525
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,120
- Gentlemen.
- What's happened to Lister?

526
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,560
He resigned, Arnold, and as a consequence,
our mission goal has now changed.

527
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,680
There's no longer a requirement
to return Crewman Lister to Earth,

528
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,840
nor is it fiscally prudent
to return or crew this ship.

529
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,640
Mindful of the Space Pollution Act,

530
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,520
JMC policy dictates
the ship should dispose of itself

531
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,480
by flying straight into the nearest sun.

532
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,680
What?!

533
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,000
What about us?

534
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,000
Never mind us, what about me?

535
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,120
No need for alarm, Arnold,
you can come too.

536
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,880
In fact, I'm instructed to offer you
a new position as supervising officer

537
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,800
on our voyage
into the heart of the solar core.

538
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,920
Mission name: Operation Sizzle.

539
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:37,360
Or if you prefer, Arnold, your hologramic
unit can be shut down now.

540
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,440
So, I have a choice.

541
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,760
Get turned off now, have a non-existence
for the rest of eternity,

542
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,680
or live a little longer
and then get cooked to death?

543
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,440
It's a real head-scratcher, sir,
no question.

544
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,360
So how long have we got before we reach
the point of no return, the melting point?

545
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,840
You mean the point where suncream
and floppy hats are no defence

546
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,480
because our noses have started melting
onto our shoes, which are now

547
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,160
floating down the corridor in a river
made up of our own leg gravy?

548
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,280
Well, we'll go as fast as we can,
Supervising Officer,

549
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,840
as I know you're keen
to complete the mission.

550
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,760
How long, you mad goth bastard?

551
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,080
Well, I can have the ship fly
beyond its safety limits,

552
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,960
disengage the carbon
carbon-reinforced heat shields,

553
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,640
so it shouldn't take more than...90 years.

554
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,280
90 years?!

555
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:22,760
Hey, that's not too bad.

556
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,160
Did I say years? Sorry.

557
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,320
I meant minutes.

558
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:27,800
90 minutes.

559
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,560
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

560
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,600
(FRANTIC TYPING)

561
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,960
Sir! I'm so pleased you're OK!

562
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,160
Not for long.

563
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:12,200
In 90 minutes, we're gonna be hotter
than me in a pair of silk Speedos!

564
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,240
What are we going to do?
We're-we're finished!

565
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:15,640
Oh, Kryten, we can do this.

566
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,360
Alls we've gotta do is get to
the machine room and pull the plug

567
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,280
on this loony.
Now, if you can unscrew that wall panel,

568
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,960
- we'll short-cut through the vents.
- Right away, sir.

569
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,280
- Two minutes, we'll be through.
- PREE: No, you won't.

570
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,360
Your attempts to defeat me are futile.

571
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,920
Oh, yeah?
How are you planning on stopping us?

572
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,960
Well, actually, sir,
she controls all the ship's functions...

573
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,440
- (HISSING)
- ...SO in many ways,

574
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,760
her powers are limitless! (LAUGHS)

575
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:40,000
Gas is coming in through the vents!

576
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,200
RIMMER: Might that be laughing gas?

577
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,440
- (ALL LAUGH)
- We're in!

578
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:46,680
(MUSIC CONTINUES)

579
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,640
It's sealed! There's no way through!

580
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,080
- We're screwed!
- We're defenceless!

581
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,480
Hey, Kryten, I can't think straight
with this toothache.

582
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,440
It's that one there, mate. Go on, pull it.

583
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,480
- RIMMER: Here comes the wall!
- Here comes another one!

584
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,440
(DRAMATIC MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

585
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:12,280
Hey, Kryten!
That crazy question you asked.

586
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,720
I've got the answer!

587
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,000
What question, 55?

588
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:18,040
"Do Siamese sisters
get whiskers in stasis?"

589
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:19,440
Nah, they don't!

590
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,320
DENTIBOT: Quick medical,
so we can set up his bios for stasis.

591
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,600
Stasis!

592
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,440
Stasis! Stasis! Course!

593
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,120
What was I thinking? I've got it! Pree!

594
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,480
All JMC vessels undertake
to return crew to Earth,

595
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,320
including their dependents, right?

596
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,200
You resigned, former crewman.
There's no way back.

597
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,840
I didn't resign. My dad did.
We share the same name.

598
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,720
Then you'd be on file, and you're not.

599
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,040
Did you check the medibay waiting list?
Isn't there a file open?

600
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,040
David Lister, medical pending?

601
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:46,680
- Yes.
- Isn't it true,

602
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,640
once I complete my medical and I have

603
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,160
all my bios for stasis,
I become registered crew?

604
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,240
- Yes.
- And as registered crew,

605
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,400
- so I have the power to shut you down?
- Yes.

606
00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:02,120
And as your primary objective is to save
registered crew members time and energy,

607
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,080
shouldn't you just uninstall yourself now?

608
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:06,960
Your logic is faultless.

609
00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,360
(DRAMATIC MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY)

610
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,280
Rock and roll.

611
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,280
Dave Lister saves the day.

612
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,520
Being brave in a hostile universe.

613
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,440
(IMITATES GUITAR)

614
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:28,120
Mr David Lister Junior, sir,
welcome aboard!

615
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:29,680
Morning, Krytes.

616
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:34,680
Complimentary champagne
and games package courtesy of the JMC.

617
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,000
I'm not interested, Kryts.

618
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:37,800
I've just signed up
for the Robotics programme.

619
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,120
Gonna pass that sucker.

620
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:43,040
So, alcohol, computer games -
it's hasta la vista, baby!

621
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,640
Go on, get 'em out of there. Get...

622
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,800
Zero-gee Total Football?

623
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,400
I didn't know this was even out!

624
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,840
Kryten, grab yourself a remote
and say goodbye to the weekend.

625
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,320
Your Mechbutt's going down, boy.

626
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,480
Oh, and Kryten...
that champagne's not gonna open itself.

627
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:09,040
# It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere

628
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,320
# I'm all alone, more or less

629
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,680
# Let me fly far away from here

630
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,600
# Fun, fun, fun

631
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,200
# In the sun, sun, sun

632
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,840
# I want to lie
Shipwrecked and comatose

633
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,320
# Drinking fresh mango juice

634
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,600
# Goldfish shoals nibbling on my toes

635
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,640
# Fun, fun, fun

636
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,440
# In the sun, sun, sun

637
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,280
# Fun, fun, fun

638
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,280
# In the sun, sun, sun. #

639
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,000
(EXPLOSION)