1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:05,400
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
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CAT: OK, five card draw poker.

3
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You in, Cincinnati?

4
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Of course he's in. Come on, Rimmer.

5
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Deal the cards.

6
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RIMMER: Match-sticks, nothing more.

7
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If you think you're winning
my back issues

8
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,080
of Morris Dancer Monthly,
you've got another thing coming.

9
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Here we go.

10
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One, two, three, four, five.

11
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Let's see what we got.

12
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Where are our cards?

13
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You ain't getting any.

14
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- But without cards, we can't win.
- Exactly!

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What kind of game is that?

16
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A good game.

17
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A game I'm gonna win.

18
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Look, let's try it another way.

19
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So that we all get

20
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five cards

21
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and we all get

22
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a chance to win.

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You might just enjoy it.

24
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How many cards do you wanna change?

25
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None, are you crazy?

26
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You've got a really good hand, right?

27
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How did you know?

28
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Have you never heard of a poker face?

29
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Huh?

30
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You get your cards,
you look at 'em like this,

31
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and you don't give anything away.

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All right. Let try it again.

33
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How many cards do you want to change?

34
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Five.

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(BEEPING)

36
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KRYTEN: Sirs, we're picking up an SSL.

37
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It's in the neighbouring vector.

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OK, starting her up.

39
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(ENGINE STARTING)

40
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Silky as the first day we got her.

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Moon base, coming up
on our starboard side.

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What is this place, Kryts?

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According to the ident,

44
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it's a United America Scientific
Research Station.

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- United America, who's that?
- Well, at the end of the 23rd century,

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America attempted
to bring peace to the world,

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by asking every nation on Earth

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to sign a Peace Treaty.

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Any nation that refused, they invaded.

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Now a war ensued

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that was called the War against War.

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Those countries who went to war,

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because they were so against war,

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they were prepared to go to war,

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to fight in a war against war,

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called themselves, United America.

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But why would
these United America johnnies

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want to build a Research Station
way out here?

59
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By the looks of their manifest,
their loaded with tech,

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maybe we can finally fix
Starbug's thruster.

61
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I'm sick of always having to turn left.

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Alrighty. Bringing her in.

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RIMMER: There's a sandstorm coming in.
18 on the Newton scale.

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Looks like we're going
to be stuck here for a while.

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Any idea what they did here, Krytes?

66
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,000
Well, it appears they were testing
a cure for evil, sir.

67
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Evil? But you can't cure evil.
That's ridiculous.

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What do they do?
Hand out tubes of evil ointment?

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"Gently rub into your frontal lobes
when feeling psychotic."

70
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To be honest,
I've never really believed in evil.

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You should try inhaling
your socks, sometimes.

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LISTER: OK.

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Some people do terrible things,
but not because they're evil,

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it's because they're mentally bonkers.

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I never realized you read up
on the subject, Listy.

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'Mentally bonkers' I'm struggling
a bit to keep up here.

77
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Do you mean they're psychopaths?

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Well, not all psychopaths kill
of course, sir.

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They don't?

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Most psychopaths lack empathy for others

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and have no remorse.

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But as a rule, they don't actually
physically harm anyone.

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- So what do they do then?
- Well, many go into banking.

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Many others are CEOs, businessmen,
lawyers, even politicians.

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Ruthless men and women,
drawn to positions of power

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and the reward that brings.

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This evil cure, Krytie,
any idea who they test it on?

88
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You think they might be wall to wall
crazies in here?

89
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Running around, rioting,
screaming and stabbing people?

90
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You make it sound like my old school.

91
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I want all of the bazookoids,
safety's off, ready to fire.

92
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All of the bazookoids are back
on Red Dwarf sir.

93
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(EXHALES) Have we got any guns with us?

94
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Just your staple gun, sir.

95
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Fill her up.

96
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Hey.

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Cryo booths.

98
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Look at this.

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'Vlad the Impaler: Cured.'

100
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'Joseph Stalin: Cured.'

101
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'Messalina: Cured.'

102
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'Adolf Hitler: Cured.'

103
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'Rupert Murdoch:

104
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'not responding to treatment.'

105
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Hitler?

106
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Isn't he dead?

107
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,920
I thought he died playing golf.

108
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He was in Berlin, you goit, in a bunker.

109
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He poisoned his partner
and shot himself.

110
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Huh. Golf can do that to you.

111
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All these people
are from ancient history.

112
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Where did they get them from?

113
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It appears they tracked down
their descendants,

114
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and then,
with DNA regression technology,

115
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travelled back, down the ancestral line

116
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via their mitochondrial DNA,

117
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and recreated them.

118
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But Hitler didn't have any kids.

119
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His ancestral line died with him.

120
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I read this conspiracy book once,

121
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and it proposed the theory that
at the end of the second World War,

122
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Hitler killed his wife
and his body double,

123
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to make it look as if
he committed suicide.

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Then, he snuck off to Argentina
in a stolen U-boat,

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with art treasures looted
from the museums of Europe.

126
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Hitler... the more you hear about that guy(!)

127
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The story went,
that when he reached Argentina,

128
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he had kids there.

129
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Well, there's a long held belief that
memories are indeed encoded

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in DNA, sir,
and passed down the ancestral line.

131
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It explains why humans have

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seemingly inexplicable phobias.

133
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- Like?
- Fear of rats, for example.

134
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Fear of rats. Descendants beware,

135
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- they spread bubonic plague.
- Precisely.

136
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,160
Fear of clowns?

137
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,800
Descendants beware, of weird looking
children's entertainers.

138
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,040
They can be really dodgy.

139
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,560
So who's this Messalina?

140
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The third wife
of the Roman Emperor, Claudius.

141
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Possibly the most depraved,

142
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brutal and murderous nymphomaniac
in history.

143
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Not all bad, then.

144
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,120
These are some of the most damaged
and deranged humans who ever lived.

145
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,120
They are worse than
the 1970s Leeds United team.

146
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:55,960
So how do they cure these people?

147
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,640
In people labelled 'evil,'

148
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a misfiring gene,

149
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has often turned empathy off.

150
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,160
So they can just flick it back
on like a light switch?

151
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,280
It's as easy as that?

152
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,080
Hey, light switches can be tricky.

153
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,760
I don't always get them first time.

154
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,640
There's another cryo booth here.

155
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,000
Professor Shaul Telford.
Maybe he can help us.

156
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,080
KRYTEN: I suggest we release
the Professor

157
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,520
and ask him if they have the tech here,
to repair the thruster.

158
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,280
Hey, this one's empty.

159
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,320
TELFORD: Indeed it is.

160
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,760
Good day, gentlemen.

161
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,600
Your arrival here
automatically triggered

162
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the cryo booths to release mode.

163
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,760
Wait, when you said, we automatically
triggered the cryo booths,

164
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,920
did you mean, all the cryo booths?

165
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000
You have nothing to fear.

166
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,120
My patients have been cured
for many centuries.

167
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Come.

168
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,480
Join us for lunch.

169
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,280
Let me introduce you. Joseph Stalin.

170
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,520
Privyet. Call me Joe. (LAUGHS)

171
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- Adolf Hitler.
- Please, call me, Dolphy.

172
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,800
No Mein Fuhrers, that's the old me.

173
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,600
- Messalina.
- Call me, uh,

174
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:08,960
anytime.

175
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,760
(STALIN, HITLER LAUGHING)

176
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,480
HITLER: She is such a joker.

177
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,160
It is so lovely for us to have guests.

178
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,120
Some wine? Let me be Mutter.

179
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,240
Now, appetizers?

180
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,960
Pumpernickel canapés? We just got them
out of cryo. I made them myself.

181
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:26,680
Dragonfruit?

182
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,320
That's a keeper.

183
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,840
Oh, and you must try his puddings.

184
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,320
Dolphy makes
the most divine choux pastry.

185
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,920
Oh, Messie, please,
you're embarrassing me.

186
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,160
She's terrible.

187
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,240
(LAUGHING)

188
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,040
Oh, sorry, I'm late.

189
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,320
- May I sit here?
- Sure.

190
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,400
I'm Vlad. The Impaler.

191
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:54,120
Ah. Are you on your own
or is there a Mrs. The Impaler?

192
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,520
What about all the other scientists?

193
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,960
I mean, surely you weren't
here on your own.

194
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,480
Well many years ago they sent
a Special Task Force to eliminate us.

195
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,640
But with our pooled skills,
we managed to survive.

196
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,960
Why would they try to eliminate you?

197
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,800
A cure for evil would mean
an end to War.

198
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,680
An end to war would mean
no Arms industry.

199
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,360
Which would mean, trillions of lost
dollar-pounds.

200
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,160
The First World economy would slump.

201
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,640
The Second and Third world economy
would boom.

202
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,040
There would be no one to exploit.

203
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,040
Society wouldn't work any more.

204
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,880
Yes, they couldn't allow
the end of evil to happen.

205
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,200
So they marooned us here,

206
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,960
with no hope of getting back to Earth.

207
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,680
But enough. Let us eat.

208
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,320
There's much to do.

209
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,160
After lunch, we must show you
our engineering department.

210
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,480
In the meantime, a toast.

211
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,760
To new friends.

212
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,560
ALL: New friends.

213
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,000
New friends.

214
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,840
HITLER: Selfie. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

215
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,360
(WIND BLOWING)

216
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,800
(METAL CLINKING)

217
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:13,880
Tea?

218
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,520
Or, as you English, say,

219
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,920
'Would you like a nice cup of cha?"

220
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,160
I'm fine, thanks.

221
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:28,520
I hope you don't mind me saying this,
but I just totally adore your jacket.

222
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:30,520
Where did you buy it?

223
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,520
London? Paris?

224
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,080
New York?

225
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,840
I bought it in a second-hand shop
on Mimas, and then I painted it myself.

226
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,560
Nein way.

227
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,320
Your manipulation
of the palette is dazzling.

228
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,720
And your use of saturated colours
to celebrate the counter culture

229
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,880
spirit of the piece is so...

230
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,880
Chic and fun.

231
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,600
That's what I was going for.

232
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,200
It so works.

233
00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:59,280
Did you go to art school?

234
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:00,920
Yeah.

235
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,640
(EXCITEDLY) Get out of town!
I went to art school, too.

236
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,880
Well, I applied
but they wouldn't take me.

237
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,880
You probably didn't fail enough exams.

238
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,000
(LAUGHING)

239
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,560
- You still paint?
- Not so much

240
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,320
since I was reincarnated, I'm trying to
explore other sides of myself.

241
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,000
I play guitar now.

242
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,640
Get out of town! I play guitar.

243
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,120
You are Scheissering me?!

244
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,200
We should jam sometime.

245
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,680
Yeah. Maybe.

246
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,600
Are you waiting for these pieces to dry?
How about now?

247
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,000
Look I can't jam with you, OK?

248
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,400
It's because I'm Hitler, isn't it?

249
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,880
Look, I admit I was evil.

250
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,720
But it is a disease, I'm cured now.
Really, I am.

251
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,200
What is it they say?

252
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,280
'To err is human,

253
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,680
to forgive, divine...'

254
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,560
I can't jam with you,
Is cause I haven't got my guitar.

255
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,880
I got a bunch of guitars in my quarters.

256
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,400
Hi. We didn't get much
of a chance to talk at lunch

257
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,840
so I brought you some milk.

258
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,440
Don't even think about it, lady.

259
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,400
I know all about your murderous,
poisoning, nympho-seducing ways,

260
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,040
so let me tell you right now.

261
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,600
This, is off limits.

262
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,600
- All right.
- I know this is gonna be hell for you.

263
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,280
Like dangling the world's juiciest steak
in front of a starving pitbull.

264
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,560
But you're just gonna have
to accept the fact

265
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,040
that no matter how much you want it

266
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,560
you ain't getting it. Got it?

267
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:43,920
That's fine.

268
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,040
Now, I'm going to be working,
which means I may be bending down a lot.

269
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,280
I might even get sweaty and have to pop
of my shirt. Now if that happens,

270
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,840
I suggest you fashion some sort of bib,
to catch the drool.

271
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,400
Otherwise, we're gonna be slipping
and sliding all over the place

272
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,920
Look, you do not need to worry because
I'm really not interested in you.

273
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,800
- You're not interested?
- No.

274
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,320
In me?

275
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:07,960
Not in the slightest.

276
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,800
We are talking about me, right?

277
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,400
You're just, uh...

278
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,320
not my type.

279
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,600
Not your type!

280
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,720
Every type's your type.
Your type's every type.

281
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,880
(UPSET) How am I not your type?

282
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,920
You just don't ping my bell.

283
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,440
Ping your bell!!

284
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,400
You know what, lady. They were right.

285
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,520
You are crazy.

286
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,480
(CAT SOBS)

287
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,880
(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

288
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,400
# I like to go

289
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:40,840
# A-wandering

290
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,720
# Around the mountain track

291
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,440
- # And as I go I like to sing
- # And as I go I like to sing

292
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,280
- # With a knapsack on my back
- # With a knapsack on my back

293
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,960
- # Valderi
- # Valderi

294
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,560
- # Valdera
- # Valdera

295
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,040
- # Valderi
- # Valderi

296
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,560
# Valdera hahahahaha

297
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:56,840
- # Valderi
- # Valderi

298
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,480
- # Valdera
- # Valdera

299
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,880
BOTH: # With a knapsack on my back

300
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,680
BOTH: # Knapsack on my back

301
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,600
# I like to go a-wandering

302
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,320
BOTH: # Around the mountain track

303
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,360
BOTH: # And as I go I like to sing

304
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,960
# With a knapsack on my back

305
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,640
- # Valderi
- # Valderi

306
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,320
- # Valdera
- # Valdera

307
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,760
- # Valderi
- # Valderi

308
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,360
BOTH: # Valdar a hahahaha

309
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,880
- # Valderi
- # Valderi

310
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,400
- # Valdera
- # Valdera

311
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:41,080
BOTH: # With a knapsack on my back

312
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,320
(LOUDLY) Thank you, deep space!

313
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,480
Lister, can I have a word?

314
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,160
 Jamming with Hitler?

315
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,880
You think that's all right?

316
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,680
Can't you see what he's doing?

317
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,200
Before you know it, he'll have you
in Lederhosen playing,

318
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,640
"Tomorrow belongs to me.'

319
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,320
I got carried away.
I thought it was the right thing to do.

320
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,520
'The right thing to do'?

321
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,200
Playing soft rock with a man
who caused World War Two?

322
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,440
Playing soft rock!
That's never the right thing to do.

323
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,120
Sirs, there isn't time
to discuss this now.

324
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,680
Grave news I'm afraid.

325
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,520
We've detected a protoplanet

326
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,640
which is going to collide with this moon

327
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,480
in less than ten hours.

328
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,880
We're outta here as soon as
that sandstorm clears.

329
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,400
What about Hitler and the others?

330
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,920
- Are we gonna bring them?
- I think we're pretty much covered

331
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,840
in the Fascist dictator department.

332
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,640
They don't know anything
about the protoplanet.

333
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,880
The thruster's fixed,

334
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,040
we're out of here
the second the sand storm passes

335
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,320
around three in the morning.

336
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,400
So you're suggesting that
we just walk away from here

337
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,560
and leave them to die?

338
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,280
No. I'm suggesting we leg it from here
and leave them to die.

339
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,640
But that's immoral, Rimmer.
That's not right. Cured or not cured.

340
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,960
It's an ethical dilemma, sir,
I'll grant you that.

341
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,960
We go at three. We're not taking
the evils. No arguments.

342
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,080
- Yeah, what about Telford?
- Apart from Telford.

343
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,760
Well, he won't go without everyone else.

344
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,920
Well, then, we'll leave him too.

345
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,560
In fact, let's leave him too.

346
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,720
I mean, having to put a whole lot
of ramps all over Red Dwarf,

347
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,400
what a giant pain that will be.

348
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,520
And why should he get the big toilet

349
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,480
with the snazzy red cord,
all to himself?

350
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,600
Rimmer, if we leave them to die here,
we're no better than they were.

351
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,880
It means we're committing
an act of evil, ourselves.

352
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,320
Oh, look, we're taking them all.

353
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,920
I'm gonna tell them we leave at three.

354
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,360
You know what, I don't feel that great.

355
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,160
Feel like I might have been druuu...

356
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,440
What do you think he was trying to say?

357
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,720
Do you think it might possibly have been
drugged, sir?

358
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,440
I think, I might have been drugg... too.

359
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,280
What's going on?
What are we going to do?

360
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,400
I'm not sure I can help, sir.

361
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,520
I think my hard drive's been hacked.

362
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,840
And as we speeak,

363
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,120
someone's cloooosing down my files,

364
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,320
and enabling a voice shut dowwwnnnnnn...

365
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:56,840
Am I next?

366
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,080
(HITS GROUND)

367
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,360
(RIMMER GRUNTS) Where am I?

368
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,040
(KNOCKING)

369
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,360
What's this?

370
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:05,920
Ah. (CLICKING)

371
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,240
(SUSPENSEFUL BEAT)

372
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,520
"A. Hitler.'

373
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,640
He's buried me alive.

374
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,480
Help! Help!

375
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,120
This is a nightmare.

376
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,240
(PANTING)

377
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,600
This is my worst fear ever.

378
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,160
Being buried alive.

379
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,200
Nothing's worse than being buried alive.

380
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,920
(PANTING) How can anything be worse
than this?

381
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,800
Ah!

382
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,720
(ZOOMING)

383
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,280
What's going on?

384
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,560
(BEEPING)

385
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,520
What! No!

386
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,600
No! They're not cured!

387
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,320
- (WATER FILLING)
- What the hell!

388
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,400
(YELLS) I hate water!

389
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,320
Not my clothes.
They're 'dry clean' only.

390
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,240
Help!

391
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,680
Hello! I've got no arms.

392
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,840
How am I gonna mop up, ever again?

393
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,880
(LAZER RUNNING)

394
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,160
(EXHALES)

395
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,560
Kryten?

396
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000
What have they done to you?
Where's your head?

397
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,000
I don't understand
sign language, Kryten.

398
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,360
It's no good signing slower.
I don't understand sign language.

399
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,600
Have you lost your mind?

400
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,760
Come on, let's go and find the others.

401
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,600
Yeah, and your head.

402
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,320
Oh, sir, thank goodness.

403
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,040
(WATER FILLING)

404
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:02,720
This way.

405
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,120
- (PSI SCANNING)
- (YELLING) Rimmer!

406
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,240
Rimmer!

407
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,160
Shh. Listen.

408
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,040
- (SCANNER STOPS)
- (RIMMER BANGING) Help!

409
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,240
(BANGING)

410
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,000
I think they put him
in the waste disposal.

411
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,840
- (RIMMER YELLS) Help.
- No.

412
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,480
I was starting to think
this whole damned day

413
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,720
couldn't get any worse

414
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,640
and then you get a boost like this.

415
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,320
- We've gotta get him out.
- Get him out! Are you crazy!

416
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,600
We should seal him in.

417
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,000
Rimmer's locked in there.

418
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,920
I mean, aren't you getting
the claustrophobic sweats

419
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,760
- just thinking about it?
- No.

420
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,080
I'm not in there. He is.

421
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,800
But if it was you in there,
how would you feel if you were Rimmer?

422
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,440
Ugly.

423
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,760
Get him out.

424
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,240
'22-89-62.'

425
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,360
(UNLOCKS)

426
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,480
That's the last time
I ever trust a psychopath.

427
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,200
KRYTEN: He's unconscious.
He's received a blow to the head.

428
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,840
I think we may have
interrupted his attacker.

429
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,000
(HISSING)

430
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,160
(DOOR OPENS)

431
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,640
We've been looking for you everywhere.

432
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,480
- HITLER: What happened to Telford?
- He's been attacked!

433
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,120
- And he's not the only one.
- Rimmer got buried alive.

434
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,920
Cat got sealed in a water tank.

435
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,920
I nearly had me love spuds lasered.

436
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,480
Kryten woke up with his head on a stake.

437
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,040
Who could have done this?

438
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,280
It's an absolute mystery.

439
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,960
You think
we had something to do with this?

440
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,160
They found his head impaled on a stake.

441
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,240
So somebody's head winds up impaled
on a stake, so it's automatically

442
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,600
got to be Vlad the Impaler!

443
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,880
Well, let's be fair,
you have got a bit of previous.

444
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,800
Four or five thousand mistakes
and you never hear the last of it.

445
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,480
Whoever buried me alive,

446
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,040
left this behind.

447
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,000
"A. Hitler.'

448
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,480
And you think that's mine!

449
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,080
It did cross my mind.

450
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,240
It's not possible...

451
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,880
...there's an Andy Hitler?

452
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,280
Or an Ainsley Hitler.

453
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,880
And even if it did stand for 'Adolf,'

454
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,520
that doesn't necessarily
mean that it is mine.

455
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,080
Oh, no, wait, it is mine.

456
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,680
Who stole my Zippo?

457
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,400
So what now?

458
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,880
One or more of you isn't cured.

459
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,760
We've got to find out who
and fix them.

460
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,160
How?

461
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,600
By employing the psychopathy scanner.

462
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,920
That'll tell us who the fruit loop is.

463
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,080
But wait a minute.

464
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,600
How do we know
it's not one of you guys, eh?

465
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,200
You think I buried myself?

466
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,680
Do you think I'd wave bye bye
to my two best friends?

467
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,960
Everybody gets tested.

468
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,600
Ready to commence, sir.

469
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,920
Processing now.

470
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,440
- Scanning all brains.
- (SCANNING)

471
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,440
I know who my money's on.

472
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:11,600
"Don't ping my bell..."

473
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,280
No wonder they couldn't cure you.

474
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,160
(SCANNING STOPS)

475
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,080
(PRINTING)

476
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,280
- Well?
- There is indeed a psychopath among us.

477
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,520
According to the psycho scan,

478
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,880
they display all the tell-tale signs.

479
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,800
Greatly reduced empathy,

480
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,080
no remorse, and a massive sense
of self worth.

481
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,000
I knew it! Which one of them is it?

482
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:38,600
It's you, sir.

483
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:42,760
What?

484
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,480
According to this, sir,
you are a psychopath.

485
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,760
Let me see that.

486
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,720
'Vain, superficial, self-centred,'

487
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,640
'self-obsessed,
unaware of others feelings.'

488
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,920
'Narcissistic and egotistical!'

489
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,840
I can't believe
they haven't mentioned 'handsome'!

490
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,680
A psychopath he may be, Kryten,
but he's not the type that kills.

491
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,240
- Hmm. Wait.
- (PRINTING)

492
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,720
There's something else coming through.

493
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,480
Must be an apology for forgetting
to mention 'handsome.'

494
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,640
There are two psychopaths.

495
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,720
One is the Cat.

496
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,120
The second is...

497
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,400
It's Professor Telford.

498
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,400
Hey! How come he's walking.
I thought he needed a wheelchair.

499
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,160
He was faking it.

500
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,440
(PRESSES REMOTE)

501
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,400
(ROBOTIC WALKING)

502
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,400
They're droids.

503
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:38,960
So, who are you?

504
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,520
United America.

505
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,040
Head of Research and Development.

506
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,720
I was a neuroscientist.

507
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:49,480
I brain hacked entire populations
and made them attack themselves,

508
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,960
before my arrest and execution.

509
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,400
You were the patient. The only patient.

510
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,680
They were the scientists
trying to cure you.

511
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,440
Indeed they were.

512
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,840
Didn't it strike you as curious

513
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,280
that Hitler didn't really look
very much like Hitler?

514
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:10,040
He was an android neuroscientist

515
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:13,520
physically identical to his creator,
Professor John Asquith.

516
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,880
I rewrote his programming.

517
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,560
There's one thing I don't understand,

518
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,360
why didn't you leg it
when we were trapped?

519
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,720
Well I did, but I couldn't start Starbug.

520
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,720
It must have some special
ignition sequence.

521
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:26,880
What is it?

522
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,200
Ah!

523
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,320
So you can't go anywhere without us.

524
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,320
I only need one of you.

525
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,040
The rest of you

526
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,080
are going to die.

527
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:38,960
- You.
- Who? Me?

528
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,680
You have no loyalty to them.
A cat has no fidelity

529
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,840
to anyone but himself. Join me.

530
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:46,640
I don't care what the damn scan says

531
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,920
we're the Posse.

532
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,680
- Boys from the Dwarf.
- Yeah.

533
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,360
- No one's changing sides here.
- Nuh-uh.

534
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,160
And I'll give you anything
that you want.

535
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,360
Sounds good.

536
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,200
- Cat, man?
- Hey, I'm a cat.

537
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:03,840
It's my nature.

538
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,960
I can't help it. You heard him.

539
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,480
- I have no fidelity.
- Well, in that case, sir,

540
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,560
- Why be on his side? Be on ours.
- Okay.

541
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,120
I'll give you anything
that your heart desires,

542
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,080
if you join me and show me
how the ship starts.

543
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,360
Okay, deal.

544
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,320
I'll give you anything
that your heart desires,

545
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,040
plus, a special secret surprise,

546
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,600
if you join us?

547
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,040
I love secret surprises.

548
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,800
They're not going to be giving
you anything because pretty soon,

549
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,160
they're gonna be dead.

550
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,400
In fact, let me prove it to you
by killing them

551
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,720
- one by one.
- No, wait.

552
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,680
I'm with you. But I get to do it.

553
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:44,760
Hmm?

554
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,240
Can I trust you?

555
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,160
Can I?

556
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,520
Really?

557
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,840
I'm a psychopath, ain't I?

558
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:57,160
You and me, both.

559
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,400
What more do you need?

560
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:06,480
(SHOOTS)

561
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:11,560
I'm starving. Let's eat.

562
00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:14,200
You shot him.

563
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,680
How was that for a pokey face, huh?

564
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:21,760
It's poker face.

565
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,160
I only have to know how to do it,
not say it.

566
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,656
# It's cold outside,

567
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,216
# There's no kind of atmosphere,

568
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:32,976
# I'm all alone,

569
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,120
# More or less,

570
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:36,296
# Let me fly,

571
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:37,920
# Far away from here,

572
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,520
# Fun, fun, fun,

573
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,320
# In the sun, sun, sun.

574
00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:46,256
# I want to lie,

575
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:47,936
# Shipwrecked and comatose,

576
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:49,440
# Drinking fresh

577
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:50,640
# mango juice,

578
00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:53,933
# Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes

579
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,176
# Fun, fun, fun,

580
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:58,880
# In the sun, sun, sun,

581
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:02,640
# Fun, fun, fun,

582
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,880
# In the sun, sun, sun.