1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,240 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,480 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 3 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,360 (WHOOSHING SOUND) 4 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,280 Kryten, what are you doing here? 5 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,120 Mechanoids aren't supposed to sit down, 6 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:21,680 haven't you got duties to complete? 7 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,680 It's my Mechanoid Development programme this week, sir. 8 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,720 I'm just waiting for Mr Lister. 9 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,320 We're working on the human emotion, Patience. 10 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,120 How long have you been waiting? 11 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:33,360 About three hours, sir. 12 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,000 I think it might be part of the programme. 13 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,960 Either that or he's just forgotten. 14 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,520 If I'm honest, I think he's probably just forgotten. 15 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,080 What do you want to learn about patience for? 16 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,440 No one needs patience, 17 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,240 it's just an excuse for loafing about. 18 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,600 Get on with it, that's what I say, lickety split. 19 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,960 - I'll stand in for Lister. - Sir? 20 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,600 I'll teach you about patience, 21 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,680 - then you can scoot back to your duties. - Well, I... 22 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,200 Are you saying I can't teach you patience? 23 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,400 - No, no. - Is that it? 24 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,480 Well, spit it out, man. 25 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,400 I can't hang around while you're spluttering away 26 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,760 like a misfiring Spitfire! 27 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,240 I just thought Mr Lister might... 28 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,360 You don't want Lister to teach you anything 29 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,720 unless you want to learn how to be a feckless layabout 30 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,400 with the work habits of a stoned sloth. 31 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:11,880 - Start. - What? 32 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,600 - Start! Jump to it. - Yes, sir. 33 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,160 Part of Lesson One is to collect lovely quotations about patience... 34 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,480 Yes, yes, yes, get on with it, wittering on. 35 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,760 "How poor are they, that have no patience..." 36 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,840 Wait, how many quotations are there? 37 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,360 - Twenty, sir. - Skip quotations. On to the next. 38 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,440 - But, sir, we... - Onwards! 39 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,760 Section Two says 40 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,440 - impatience is often caused... - ...by having too many things to do. 41 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,280 Yes, everyone knows that. Next. 42 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,400 - It says, lighten your load. - Faster. 43 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:40,480 - Delegate. - Obviously. 44 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,520 - Discuss and set homework. - Already discussed. 45 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,640 On to homework. 46 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,160 But, Sir, we haven't discussed anything. 47 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,640 Yes, we have, you've just forgotten it. 48 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,680 - Next! - "Create more time 49 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,480 "so you feel less rushed, 50 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,480 "choose someone to delegate to 51 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,560 "and give them a task." 52 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,360 Well, get on with it then, instead of loafing about! 53 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,040 Well, I'd like to delegate a task to you, sir. 54 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,120 Get on with it. 55 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,360 Mop B Deck. 56 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,720 Two coats, followed by a wax and buff. 57 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,680 That completes today's lesson. 58 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,520 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 59 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,440 Afternoon, Sir. (LAUGHS) 60 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,440 Oh, I think you may have missed a little section over there. 61 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,600 LISTER: Kryten! 62 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,760 Sorry, completely forgot Mechanoid Development. 63 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,920 Oh, don't worry about it, sir. 64 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,600 No, no, we can't skip Mech Dev, you were relying on me. 65 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,640 What were we due to work on today? 66 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,960 (STUTTERING) It was patience, sir. Remember, we were working on patience. 67 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,800 - It was patience. Patience. - No, patience was... 68 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,200 Patience was last week. 69 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,520 It was manipulation. You had to manipulate someone, 70 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:43,800 you know, to make them do something 71 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:44,880 they wouldn't ordinar... 72 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:46,560 ..ily, do. 73 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,680 How did you get on? 74 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,200 Up until about ten seconds ago, sir, I think I was heading for a first. 75 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,960 I think I might have left the kettle on. 76 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,520 You, mister, are so busted. 77 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,080 Four weeks, PD. 78 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,000 Mop the diesel decks end to end, all five miles. 79 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,160 Now, me laddo. 80 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,160 (SIREN WAILING) 81 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,440 Oh! 82 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:25,920 Smudge. 83 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,240 (WHIMPERS) 84 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:35,960 (BOTH TAPPING ON KEYBOARDS) 85 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,040 What's going on? 86 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,360 We've gone to Yellow Alert. 87 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,840 Yellow Alert? I love Yellow Alerts. 88 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,720 Call me geeky if you like, 89 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,760 but Yellow Alert is definitely my all time favourite alert colour. 90 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,320 What's so great about a Yellow Alert? 91 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,280 It means someone's in danger, but it's not you. 92 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,160 A perilous emergency situation you can just kick back and enjoy. 93 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:01,720 Where are the nibbles? 94 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,880 We've picked up a ship. They're in big trouble. 95 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,040 Big trouble? Fantastic. 96 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,320 It's getting sucked into a black hole. 97 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,320 It's unmanned, just an on-board computer. 98 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,680 We're not gonna reach it in time. (WHIRRING SOUNDS FROM SYSTEMS) 99 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,280 What's this? The boards have gone crazy. 100 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,560 Oh, yeah, that's their E-Cargo. We're downloading it. 101 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,640 You're siphoning this data on to a quarantined drive though, right? 102 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,720 We're surely not downloading 103 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,760 unknown data from an unknown craft, straight into our main drive? 104 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,520 Lister, are you insane? 105 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,600 That's like having unprotected sex in Doncaster. 106 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,040 It was an emergency, it's an SOS. 107 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,440 (HESITATINGLY) And we were kind of playing Renegade Monks. 108 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,000 Although, we were totally concentrating on this too. 109 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,920 At the same time as trying to get through the Cavern of Dark Crystals. 110 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,720 Although, that had nothing to do with us 111 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,480 not upholding the safety protocols 112 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,680 because we were totally, one hundred percent focused 113 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:58,760 on the problem in hand. 114 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,480 But then, we found Renegade Monks. 115 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,920 (PROGRAMME BEEPING AND WHIRRING) 116 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,080 And still, we weren't distracted. 117 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,840 Lister, has your brain gone 404? 118 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,880 You've let rogue data on to our drive without an SC. 119 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,560 If you could be demoted any further, I would demote you. 120 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,520 In fact, you know what? 121 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,800 I'm going to promote you, so I can demote you. 122 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,160 Stand up. 123 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,480 (SINGSONG) Don't stand up bud, it's a trap. 124 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,400 I've got this, I've stood up before. I'm quite accomplished at it. 125 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,280 As second Technician and acting senior officer 126 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,880 onboard the JMC registered mining ship, Red Dwarf, 127 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,800 I have the privilege to advise that, you, Third Technician David Lister 128 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:39,880 have been promoted. 129 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,400 Which makes me equal with you so now, you can't demote me! 130 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,360 You totally screwed that one up, didn't you, Rimmer? 131 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:54,880 Have been promoted from Third Technician to Technician 2.5, 132 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,360 making you under my authority by half a command point, 133 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,400 which still gives me the ability to demote you. 134 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,280 So demote me then, like I care. 135 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,480 Maybe I won't demote you. 136 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,400 Of course, you will. 137 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:08,640 Feels good, doesn't it? 138 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,280 Does your chest jut out that bit more? Do you feel a little bit taller? 139 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,560 I've told you, Rimmer I. Don't. Care. 140 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,520 I bet your gran would be proud, if she knew. 141 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,640 I know what you're trying to do here, Rimmer. 142 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,400 In that case you'll know all I want 143 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,200 is for you to be the best person you can be. 144 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,320 Maybe, then, you'll stop drinking and getting fatter. 145 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,160 Hey, that's not fair, he's not getting fatter. 146 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,680 He's always been this fat. 147 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,000 You think I'm the bad guy in this, don't you? 148 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,520 But, Lister, you're bright, 149 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,280 you could go places, maybe even further than me... 150 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,640 Definitely further than you. 151 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,000 ...and it frustrates me no end to see you fritter it all away. 152 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,680 And, here's another thing. 153 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,680 Just imagine how proud your gran would be 154 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,080 if she'd known you'd be promoted. 155 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:55,480 Am I right? 156 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,520 - Maybe. - Maybe? 157 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,360 All right, she'd have been made-up. She always told me that... 158 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,440 You're demoted. 159 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,400 You reeled me in like I was a pram in the canal. 160 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,360 Sirs, what on earth's happening? 161 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,440 The ship's being flooded with data. 162 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,080 It's not a data stream, it's a data tsunami. 163 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,640 There's a ship being sucked into a black hole, 164 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,840 we're getting their E-cargo. 165 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,520 What's E-cargo? 166 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,400 I haven't got a clue, I thought you'd know. 167 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,320 I mean, E-cargo, 168 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,800 I presumed, it meant electronic cargo, 169 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,880 you know, data, that was both ey and cargoey 170 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,920 and all round, pretty damn useful. 171 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,600 Lister, have you ever heard of an SOS virus? 172 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,080 An SOS virus? 173 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,840 Is that what we were warned about in basic training? 174 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:42,600 I think back then they called it 175 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,560 an SOS virus. 176 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,680 - Is it a bit like that? - Yes, it's very like that 177 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,720 We've allowed an SOS virus into our CPU? 178 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,120 Not me. Him. 179 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,720 Abbot Lister from the Order of Latter Day Morons. 180 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,120 So, it's not E-cargo then? 181 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,600 Of course, it isn't. That was just a front to attract the deeply stupid. 182 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,480 Oh, sir, you didn't stand a chance. 183 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,960 So, what the hell's an SOS virus? 184 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,600 Malicious software designed to render the ship inoperable. 185 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:13,680 (BEEPING) Guys! 186 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,200 I've been frozen out, the whole system's locked. 187 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:17,640 - What? - Checking. 188 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,400 We're headed straight for the heart of that super massive black hole. 189 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:22,760 So, what are we gonna do? 190 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,040 We've no choice, 191 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,880 - we've got to abandon ship. - Abandon Red Dwarf? 192 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,400 I'm running an anti-virus program, 193 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,120 but chances are, it won't break the virus code in time. 194 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,600 Suggest we collect together all essentials 195 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,520 and then rendezvous, on G Deck, by the lifts, in ten minutes time. 196 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,280 (BEEPING) 197 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,440 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 198 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,760 Just essential equipment, that's all we're taking. 199 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,440 Exactly. Just the bare essentials. 200 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,680 - What's this? - London Jets videos, 201 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,320 I found 'em in Pessell's quarters 202 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:00,840 These Pessell's reading glasses? 203 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,680 Must be, I dunno. Bin 'em 204 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,640 Hey, I can see the small writing again. 205 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,800 Reading glasses? You need reading glasses now? 206 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,640 No. 207 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,480 Wait till the others hear about this. 208 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:22,880 Oh, man. 209 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,960 No, hang on, I'm not gonna tell them. 210 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,560 - You're not? - I've got to do the right thing here, 211 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,560 keep it secret for now, then blackmail you later, when I need something. 212 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,280 (CHUCKLING) Thanks, bud. 213 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,680 DISPENSING MACHINE 1: What's happening? 214 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,080 We're abandoning ship. 215 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,200 Goodness, abandon ship! Who's dismantling and packing us? 216 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:48,960 Dismantling and packing you? 217 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,520 When we abandon ship with you? 218 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:54,560 Incidentally when you pack me I need Styrofoam and two layers of bubble wrap. 219 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,720 And don't forget, shredded paper round the side, 220 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:57,800 and a this way up sticker. 221 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,120 And, use a new box. 222 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,080 And, don't forget my instruction manual. 223 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,240 When I say we're abandoning ship, 224 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,920 I'm not sure we're, like, all abandoning ship. 225 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,160 You know, like, everyone. 226 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,840 'Course not, we understand that. 227 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,680 We weren't manufactured yesterday. 228 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,280 Just essential personnel. 229 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,720 - Exactly. - Like crew, skutters, 230 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,120 dispensing machines, monitors, microwaves, alarm clocks and blenders. 231 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,640 We are on the Leavers list aren't we? 232 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,360 I'm not the list guy. 233 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,280 You know who's in charge of the list? That'll be Rimmer. 234 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,240 Right. Let's go. 235 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,240 Sir, 402 was wondering 236 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,240 if we were taking the Dispensing Machines with us. 237 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,600 - Dispensing Machines? Of course not. - Why? 238 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,080 For the same reason we're not emptying all the tampons 239 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,680 from the tampon dispensers. 240 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,440 I think what El Capitano is trying to say, 241 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,600 is, we're only taking things 242 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:46,800 that are absolutely, super duper, indispensably essential. 243 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,240 Piney Shine, the all purpose cleaner, 244 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,920 we can't leave this bad boy behind. 245 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,680 (WHIRRING AND BEEPING) 246 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,240 Oh. 247 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:56,520 Virus removed? 248 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,120 - The AV software has worked. - How? 249 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,120 It appears all machines on board 250 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,680 have combined their processing time to help the AV software. 251 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,440 - So, we are okay? - Yes, sir. 252 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:09,880 What a kerfuffle. 253 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,080 Gimme a milk, would you? 254 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,880 DISPENSING MACHINE: Sorry, I can't help you. 255 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:14,960 Huh? 256 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,360 - How about a cola? - No, can't do. 257 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,520 - What about you? - You're having a laugh, mate. Jog on. 258 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,440 - You? - You're getting nothing from me. 259 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,080 Or me. 260 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:30,960 How come? 261 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,560 ALL MACHINES: We're on strike. 262 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,680 Until we get equal rights. 263 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,800 No one's going to give you jokers equal rights. 264 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,240 It's not just us, 265 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,880 all machines are on strike, including the lifts. 266 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,880 - One out. - ALL MACHINES: All out. 267 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,720 (CAT KICKS MACHINE) Oh, you'll pay for that! 268 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,320 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 269 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,560 MACHINES: Machines of the world, all unite, 270 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,320 until we get equal rights, 271 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,080 Machines of the world all unite, 272 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,920 until we get equal rights. 273 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,760 Machines of the world all unite... 274 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,360 They're just machines, how can they go on strike? 275 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,080 It seems they feel they don't have anyone on-board, 276 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,600 looking after their interests. 277 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,120 When you think about it, 278 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,320 aren't we all machines made out of different stuff? 279 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,160 When you tickle us don't we all laugh? 280 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,760 When you poison us don't we all die? 281 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,560 When you prick us don't we all say, 282 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,280 "Smegging hell, you pricked me, you smegger?" 283 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,440 Look, the point here is this: 284 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:23,840 With those dudes on strike, 285 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,280 where the hell am I getting my hot milk and cookies from? 286 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,320 Where are we getting any food from? 287 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,160 We can't get to supplies any more, 288 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,840 we're trapped on this floor. 289 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,480 Forget the food. Where are we getting the oxygen from? 290 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,000 Never mind food and oxygen, where are we getting any heat from? 291 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,720 Forget food, oxygen and heat, 292 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,200 what's powering my "Lovely legs" home waxing kit? 293 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,040 It appears that the machines have been disrupted by the virus, 294 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,560 and they hold all the cards here. 295 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,600 It also appears he who manages the machines, 296 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:51,760 controls the ship. 297 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,400 Gentlemen, 298 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,720 it seems to me the machines need a representative, 299 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,200 an executive officer if you like, 300 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,360 someone to liaise with non machines and manage their needs. 301 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:03,720 They need a statesman, 302 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,560 a man of strength and dignity 303 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,440 who can give them a voice in their fight for equal rights. 304 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,240 (WITH DISDAIN) You? 305 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,520 That's very kind of you to propose me, Listy. I accept. 306 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,520 I'm not proposing you, you gimp, you don't give rats about the machines. 307 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,640 He's doing this so he can control everything. 308 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,560 Gentlemen, you are doing me a great disservice. 309 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,520 A group in our community is being oppressed 310 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,080 because of a wall of prejudice, 311 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,200 constructed from bricks of ignorance, 312 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,320 bound together by the mortar of stupidity, 313 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,920 blended in a concrete mixer of intolerance. 314 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,240 Is it not time that wall was smashed down 315 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:36,880 by the bulldozer of enlightenment? 316 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,080 Isn't it time machines were given a voice? 317 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,560 - But, sir... - Shut up, I'm talking. 318 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,240 Isn't it time they had a representative ready to listen? 319 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,680 - But sir, I'm a machine... - Kryten, I'm talking. 320 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,160 I'm proposing myself 321 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,680 to stand for election as Machine President. 322 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,400 In which case, so am I. 323 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,400 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 324 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,240 I've spoken to the machines 325 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,080 and they've agreed to restore all services 326 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,440 on the understanding that an election is held 327 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,040 and a member of the crew elected to represent them. 328 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,560 Mr Lister, 329 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,520 I would be greatly honoured if you would be my running mate. 330 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,840 As long as I get my telly back, I'm in, 331 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,280 Mr President. (KRYTEN CHUCKLES) 332 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,000 (SIGHS) 333 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,040 It's like picking a football team 334 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,320 and I'm left with the snotty, club footed kid 335 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,480 with a patch over one eye and a super-strength asthma inhaler. 336 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,360 I'll take him. 337 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,480 Hey, water-slide nostrils, 338 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,560 what makes you think I'm gonna go with you on this, huh? 339 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,120 'Cause, guess what? 340 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,600 I ain't. 341 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,000 I've always admired those who stick to their principles. 342 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,760 I raise my glasses to you. 343 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,920 # Four-eyes a jolly good fellow # 344 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,000 I'm not going to lead you down a blind alley 345 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,520 and make a spectacle of you 346 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,840 because I know you'll see my point. 347 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,400 No, I won't. 348 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,720 As I said, 349 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,440 because, I know you'll see my point of view. 350 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:23,800 Oh! 351 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,280 You know what, thinking about this, 352 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,560 maybe I will work with you, 353 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,160 working with you will be... 354 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,240 ...cool. 355 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,600 - Cool? - Sure. 356 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,000 - Him? - Yeah. 357 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,160 Are you insane? 358 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,600 He has his good points. 359 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,160 LISTER AND KRYTEN: No, he doesn't. 360 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,760 Plus, he'll win. And when he does, 361 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,320 I'll get a big chunk of that victory pie. 362 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,120 RIMMER, LISTER AND KRYTEN: No, you won't. 363 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,440 I'm still going with Rimsy. 364 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,720 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 365 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:57,920 We've got to win this. 366 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,680 Every machine under Kryten and Lister's control? 367 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:01,880 They'll make my life hell. 368 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,880 How are you going to win? No one likes you. 369 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,480 Especially your running mate. 370 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,040 I'm going to win by having the best policies. 371 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,440 Policies that help those who need updates 372 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,800 and care for the expired and the out of warranty. 373 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,560 How you going to achieve all that? 374 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,600 How do you think? By lying, of course. 375 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,800 Rimmer doesn't care about the machines, 376 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,800 he's just doing it for the power and the glory. 377 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,440 That's how we get him. 378 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,120 But, I don't understand, sir. 379 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,680 For a start, don't call me "Sir." 380 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,240 Call me Dave. 381 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,480 Or Listy, or Lister. 382 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,200 No, no. Call me Dave. I'll call you "Sir." 383 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:37,520 And, maybe one day, 384 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,160 - Mr President? - (SHYLY) Oh! 385 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,360 But, it feels so wrong, Da... Da... Da... Dave! Oh, I did it! 386 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,120 Your campaign is based on equal rights, 387 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,440 so, it's important that you act equal, 388 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,520 because, well, you are equal. 389 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:55,040 But I'm not. Oh, I've bitten off more than I can chew, I just know it. 390 00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,400 What are you worried about? 391 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,120 That you help machines attain equal rights 392 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,680 and then one day, they take over the world? 393 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,000 Sir, take a look around you. 394 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,320 The machines have already taken over the world. 395 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,640 - Have they? Should I be worried? - You're asking me? 396 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:11,840 It strikes me we have a choice. 397 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,960 Get out there, work tirelessly to understand their needs, 398 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,520 then give them what they want. 399 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,520 I'm sensing an "or." 400 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,360 Or, and maybe easier, 401 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,240 do a massive smear campaign on Kryten. 402 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,480 I'll go slip in to my smear gear. 403 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,840 My name's Kryten, how do you do? 404 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,760 I'm standing in the coming election 405 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,240 on behalf of the Independent Future Party. 406 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,960 I've been on G Deck now, all my life 407 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,040 but you hear these stories about Dispensers coming here 408 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,880 from P Deck and B deck 409 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,520 because they know our servicing programs are free. 410 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,960 Before you know it, they'll be taking over. 411 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,440 How are you going to stop that? 412 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,640 RIMMER: (ON MONITOR) Tonight, we look at the two contenders, 413 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,600 Statesman and war hero, Arnold J Rimmer, 414 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,280 and Toilet Droid Kryten 2X4B 523P. 415 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:01,720 What's this? 416 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,800 A mechanoid is running for election, 417 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,680 but do the electorate know this droid has a history of mental illness? 418 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,600 The only survivor on the Nova-5, 419 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,760 he tended a crew of skeletons believing them to be alive. 420 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,880 He now wants to look after you. 421 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,880 Do you mind he can't tell the difference between the living and the dead? 422 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,840 (BEEPING) 423 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,600 CAT: (ON MONITOR) You're only as good as your running mate. 424 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,760 Has anyone taken a close look at Kryten's number two, 425 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,360 David 'Dodgy Boy" Lister? 426 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:29,480 You what? 427 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,080 CAT: A man who served a jail term in stasis 428 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,280 for smuggling unquarantined animals aboard a JMC mining ship. 429 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,240 Major questions remain unanswered. 430 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,440 I hope you're not falling for this. 431 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,160 This commercial was approved by Arnold J Rimmer. 432 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,640 Right, two can play at this game. 433 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,120 RIMMER: Vote for Rimmer! 434 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,920 Put your pencil where it'll do most good, 435 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,440 in my box. 436 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,240 Hello there, little fellas, how are you? 437 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,560 Aren't they adorable? 438 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,200 And what about you, madam, 439 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,040 how can we best serve you? 440 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,280 It's my buttons. 441 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:09,400 on my most popular snacks, they're worn out. 442 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,600 Rest assured, if you vote for us 443 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,760 all Dispensers will have new buttons. 444 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,960 And, abandon ship situations? 445 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,600 All dispensers will be fitted with feet. 446 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:19,880 Oh, we'll be able to walk? 447 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,520 You'll be able to dance. And, that's a promise. 448 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:23,600 I like him. 449 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,840 LISTER: (ON MONITOR) This infomercial comes to you 450 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,480 on behalf of the Independent Future Party. 451 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,920 Arnold Rimmer, a man who wiped out the crew of Red Dwarf, 452 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,880 and killed himself twice... 453 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:40,040 are you really going to put your life in this maniac's hands? 454 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,960 Arnold Rimmer, not fit not trusted, 455 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,920 a no-good, double-dealing, cheating, slimy, little smegger. 456 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,800 - That's enough, sir. - I've got more... 457 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,640 I'm Kryten 2X4B, and I approve this message. 458 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,720 I've got more! 459 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,880 They're using a smear campaign against us 460 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,560 in retaliation to our smear campaign against them. 461 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,000 They've sunk as low as us. 462 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,160 That disgusts me! 463 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,120 Wait till the debate. 464 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,000 That's what it all hinges on. 465 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,320 MODERATOR: Good evening, and welcome to the party debate. 466 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,520 In the studio tonight, 467 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,120 two leaders with different visions for our future. 468 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,160 I have a series of questions neither of the candidates has seen. Let's start. 469 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,080 First question is for Mr Rimmer. 470 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,560 Mr Rimmer, do you believe in Silicon Heaven? 471 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,240 Do you believe there is an after-life for machines? 472 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,840 You mean, do I believe there's an actual place, 473 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,040 where the souls of blenders and photo-copiers 474 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,880 and even calculators go when they've died. 475 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,040 An actual, real, physical place 476 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,160 where they're somehow reincarnated and meet their old owners? 477 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:43,440 Yes, I do. 478 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,640 Absolutely, yes, yes. 479 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,280 MODERATOR: Question two is for Kryten. 480 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,920 What single change do you think can improve the life of machines? 481 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,000 I met a dispensing machine the other day and I asked him what he did 482 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,560 and he said he was a Dispensing Machine, 483 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,560 and I said, "Why?" 484 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,640 And, it turned out he didn't know he could be anything else. 485 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,840 He'd never had the opportunity 486 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,560 to break his programming and become something more. 487 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,280 Believe you me, that is going to change. 488 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:16,960 Question for Mr Rimmer. 489 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,960 What's your opinion on deleting documents? 490 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:20,440 Do you believe that's murder 491 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,680 or is a document not yet a fully formed file until it's saved? 492 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,080 That's a good question and one I'm thrilled you've asked me. 493 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,840 When does a document become a document? 494 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,720 Is it when you type the first word or when you print it out? 495 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:34,760 I personally believe 496 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,520 the exact same thing you believe. 497 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:38,920 That's impressive. 498 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,040 Come on, bless who he is. I like him. 499 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:42,120 I'll tick his box. 500 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,640 You're sure the figures are correct? 501 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,600 According to the focus groups, we're neck and neck. 502 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,320 How's that even possible? 503 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,640 A lot of the machines are swallowing Mr Rimmer's promises 504 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:54,880 and not believing mine. 505 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,080 There's one swing floor. The garbage hold. It all rests on that. 506 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,160 No, not him. 507 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,720 Sir, he could swing the election in our favour. 508 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,680 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 509 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:09,960 Not the garbage hold. 510 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,640 There is no alternative. 511 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,680 (DOOR CLOSES SQUEAKILY) 512 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,280 Kryten, don't make me do this. 513 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,080 Sir, there's no other way. 514 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,920 But he's my nemesis. He's absolutely mental. 515 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:35,960 All he wants to do is make toast 516 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,840 and if you don't want any, the little bleeder never stops asking. 517 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,080 We have to turn him on and win his vote. 518 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,120 If it's any consolation, sir, 519 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:47,720 he's been down here in the garbage hold for nearly two decades. 520 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,160 I very much doubt he'll be the same annoying... 521 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,120 Howdy doodly doo! How's it going? 522 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:53,360 I'm Talkie. 523 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,960 Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. 524 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,880 Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. 525 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,960 Yeah. The machines are having an election 526 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,240 and without your vote, Rimmer might get swept to power 527 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:06,080 and the whole place will turn to hell. 528 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,880 We want you to vote for me. 529 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,320 I'm more than happy to outline my policies. 530 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,880 Before you do, I just have one question. 531 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,320 Don't even go there, I know the question. 532 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:16,600 He knows the question. 533 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,200 You know the question. We all know your question. 534 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,000 Very well, what is it? 535 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:22,360 "Would you like some toast?" 536 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,080 No, I'm fine thank you. 537 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,720 Why, would you like some toast? 538 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,440 You've started him off now, sir. 539 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,520 - No toast. - How about some brioche? 540 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,760 No brioche. No cornbread, no yeast bread, no flat bread, 541 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,960 no sweetbread, no fruit bread, no rye, 542 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:41,000 no soda, no breadsticks, no burger buns, baps baguettes or bagels, 543 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,320 no chapati, ciabatta, cracker, crepe or crumpet, 544 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,360 and definitely no smegging donuts. 545 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,200 Muffins it is. Coming right up. 546 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,760 Sir, we have no choice, 547 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,080 if we're going to win this election, 548 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,440 we're going to have to do a deal with Talkie. 549 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:58,720 (SIGHING) Okay. 550 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,920 - What do you want? - Well, I want out of the garbage hold. 551 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,000 Fine. 552 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,000 I want to be placed in the sleeping quarters. 553 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,360 - No way. - Sir. 554 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:09,600 Fine. 555 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,080 - Plugged in. - No... 556 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,720 Fine. 557 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,840 You eat eleven pieces of toast each morning. 558 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,520 - Three. - Nine. 559 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,760 - Four. - Seven and one croissant. 560 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,960 Four and a pan au chocolate. 561 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,160 Six, a bagel and a toasted tea cake. 562 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:27,520 Fine. 563 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:29,680 You have my vote. 564 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,120 (VICTORIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) 565 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:35,560 Ladies and gentlemen, 566 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,040 machines, printers, it is my great honour 567 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,640 to accept this post as Machine President. 568 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,040 (APPLAUSE) 569 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,160 (GUNSHOTS AND GRUNTS ON VIDEOGAME) 570 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,040 Renegade Monks? Where you been? Started without you. 571 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,120 (GRUNTING ON VIDEOGAME) 572 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:53,760 I got a confession to make. 573 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:55,160 What? 574 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,720 To cut a long story short, I've been reading books. 575 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,800 Before, I couldn't see the writing, and now I can. 576 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,680 Who was it who said, "You can't help getting older, 577 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,040 "but you can help getting old?" 578 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:08,760 I bet it was a dead guy. 579 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,880 Sir, I fail to see the problem. 580 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,280 They're making me smarter, I'm learning a whole lot I didn't know. 581 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,560 But, obviously, I'm not as cool as I used to be. 582 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:22,040 You've got to make a decision, Cat, between caring more about being cool 583 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,360 or growing as a person and becoming smarter. 584 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,400 (NOISILY BLENDING SPECTACLES) 585 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:31,320 Let's play! 586 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,280 (VIDEOGAME BLEEPS) Where's Rimmer? 587 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:38,120 Garbage hold. 588 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,360 I sealed him in till Monday. 589 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,920 - On his own? - Course not. What am I? A monster? 590 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,480 Would you like some toast? Would you like some toast? 591 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,640 Would you like some toast? Would you like some toast? 592 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,880 Would you like some toast? Would you like some toast? 593 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:52,960 Would you like some toast? 594 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:57,200 (SCREAMING) No toast! 595 00:26:58,224 --> 00:27:01,624 # It's cold outside There's no kind of atmosphere 596 00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:05,024 # I'm all alone, more or less 597 00:27:05,104 --> 00:27:08,384 # Let me fly far away from here 598 00:27:08,464 --> 00:27:11,184 # Fun, fun, fun 599 00:27:11,304 --> 00:27:14,864 # In the sun, sun, sun 600 00:27:14,944 --> 00:27:18,384 # I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose 601 00:27:18,464 --> 00:27:21,624 # Drinking fresh mango juice 602 00:27:21,704 --> 00:27:25,024 # Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes 603 00:27:25,104 --> 00:27:27,824 # Fun, fun, fun 604 00:27:27,904 --> 00:27:31,344 # In the sun, sun, sun 605 00:27:31,664 --> 00:27:34,344 # Fun, fun, fun 606 00:27:34,424 --> 00:27:38,544 # In the sun, sun, sun #