1
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,234
("STAR WARS"--STYLE MUSIC)

2
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,354
(RED DWARF THEME)

3
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,756
- Cat?
- Mmm?

4
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,639
- You ever see "The Flintstones"?
- Sure.

5
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,314
Do you think Wilma's sexy?

6
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,033
Wilma Flintstone?

7
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,669
Maybe we've been alone
in deep space too long,

8
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,196
but every time I see that show,
her body drives me crazy.

9
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,478
- Is it me?
- I think, in all probability,

10
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,429
Wilma Flintstone is the most
desirable woman who ever lived.

11
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,433
That's good. I thought I was going strange.

12
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,917
- She's incredible.
- What do you think of Betty?

13
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,071
Betty Rubble?

14
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,631
Well, I would go with Betty...

15
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,716
but I'd be thinking of Wilma.

16
00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,356
This is crazy. Why are we talking
about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone.

17
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,912
You're right. We're nuts.
This is an insane conversation.

18
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,758
She'll never leave Fred, and we know it.

19
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,871
Holly, clipboard and pen, please.

20
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,799
- Well, Krytie, today's the day.
- But, sir, I'm just not ready.

21
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,874
- Six weeks it's just not long enough.
- Ten-thirty. Name?

22
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,515
- You know my name.
- Look, if this comes off

23
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,245
it'll a whole new lease of life
for both us, we'll be independent,

24
00:02:35,269 --> 00:02:37,834
but we've got to
do it by the book.

25
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,475
It's just when you go into "official mode",

26
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,631
my Anxiety Chip goes into overdrive.

27
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,753
- Name?
- K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K...

28
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,799
K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K...

29
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,190
I'll just put Kryten.

30
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:56,069
- Can you see that space vehicle?
- Where?

31
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,231
Oh, that one. Yes, sir.

32
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,432
And can you read the registration
for me, please?

33
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,389
- 'Starbug 1'?
- Right, if you'd like to show me to your vehicle, please.

34
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,592
Right, in your own time, if you'd
like to start the space vehicle,

35
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,549
proceed through the cargo bay
doors and off into outer space.

36
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,352
Once through the doors,
proceed directly to the nearest planet.

37
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,716
Once there, I want you to bring the vehicle to a halt

38
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,030
and then carefully reverse into the planet's orbit,

39
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,876
remembering of course, to pay due care
and attention to any other space users.

40
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,950
Right, in your own time.

41
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,997
(CLUNK AND WHOOSH)

42
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,831
In your own time.

43
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,871
I've failed, haven't I?

44
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,034
- Just proceed.
- You're going to hold it against me, aren't you?

45
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,589
- That one mistake.
- Please.

46
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,471
(KRYTEN) Antigrav, check.

47
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,520
Retro, check.
Boosters, check.

48
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,629
And very gently ease forward...

49
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,319
I think there's something wrong
with the gearbox.

50
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,279
The thing is, I learned to drive in Starbug 2.

51
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,954
I'm not used to the controls in Starbug 1.

52
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,631
- They're exactly the same.
- Yes. That's the problem.

53
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,319
(BRAKES SCREECH)

54
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:46,195
Next, I'd like you to transfer to autopilot,
while we conduct the recognition...

55
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,033
(GEARS GRIND)

56
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,431
- tests.
- Engage autopilot.

57
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,433
Autopilot engaged. Well, I say "autopilot".

58
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,592
It's not really autopilot is it?
It's me, it's Muggins here who has to do it.

59
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,874
- Right, what's that one?
- Heavy traffic. Keep to your assigned space lane.

60
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,917
- That one?
- Er... Danger: Space mirages ahead.

61
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,796
Stopping Distances: You're travelling at half the
speed of light, what is the stopping distance?

62
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,072
- Four years, three months.
- And the thinking time?

63
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,351
A fortnight.

64
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,390
- Space Phenomena... What's that?
- A pulsar.

65
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,551
- And that?
- A binary star.

66
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,996
- What's that?
- A time hole!

67
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,356
- Don't help him.
- It's a time hole!

68
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,632
- No it isn't. It's nothing like a time hole.
- (HOLLY) It's a time hole!

69
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,271
- It is! It's a time hole!
- A time hole is a phenomenon rarely seen in space

70
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,559
which, legend would have us believe, transports
us into another part of space and time.

71
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,758
Whereas that is quite obviously a
blue giant about to go supernova.

72
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,555
THAT is a time hole. Right, what's this?

73
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,636
(TREMENDOUS CRASH)

74
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,230
I suppose you're going to fail me for this.

75
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,871
What is this place?

76
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,035
Holly? Is it possible? Can this be Earth?

77
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,949
Certainly seems that way.
Constellations match. Gravity: exactly 1G.

78
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,596
- What's the time period?
- Well, it's difficult to pin it down exactly

79
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,751
but according to all the available data,

80
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:35,437
I would estimate it's round
about lunchtime, maybe half-one.

81
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,796
What period in history, dingleberry-breath?

82
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,836
Can we expect to see Genghis Khan

83
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,799
and his barbarian buddies
sweeping across the hill?

84
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,989
Or a herd of flesh-eating dinosaurs feeding
off the bones of Doug McClure? What is the year?

85
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,955
Well, I'd need some more data
before I could give you a precise answer.

86
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,391
- Like?
- Well, this year's calendar would be handy.

87
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,113
(KRYTEN) I've never been to Earth.
I've only seen it on photographs.

88
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:06,592
It's exactly like I always imagined,
only much shorter.

89
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,718
"Nodnol, 871 selim."

90
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,478
- Nodnol? Where's Nodnol?
- (KRYTEN) It's London.

91
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,519
"London, 178 miles." It's backwards.

92
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,435
- Shh! A truck.
- Ooh, It's probably going to hit that box.

93
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,396
There's a perfectly rational explanation for this.

94
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,795
.tfil a tnaw uoy fi ,nwot otni gniog m'I

95
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,196
Then again, possibly not.

96
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,398
(HORNS HONK)

97
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,599
(RIMMER) What the smeg is going on?
(KRYTEN) Everything's going backwards.

98
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,639
(HOLLY) It's perfectly consistent
with current theory.

99
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,996
Everything starts with a Big Bang, right?

100
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,356
And the universe starts expanding.

101
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,593
When it's expanded as far as it can,
there's the Big Crunch,

102
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,751
and everything starts contracting.

103
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:10,238
It's perfectly possible that time starts
running in the opposite direction, as well

104
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,392
(RIMMER) So is this Earth?
(HOLLY) It's Earth all right,

105
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,995
only Earth where time's going backwards.

106
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,871
(BOTH SPEAK BACKWARDS)

107
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,194
.elbirret si ereh ecivres ehT

108
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,750
Flobba-dob blib blob bleeb.

109
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,515
- What are you doing?
- Well, you said look inconspicuous.

110
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,591
- Don't be idiotic.
- But if people see my face,

111
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,751
what are they going to think?

112
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,559
Tell them you had an accident,

113
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:27,114
tell them you took your car to
the crushers and forgot to get out.

114
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,391
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

115
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,318
- I got a newspaper.
- What's the year? 3991?!

116
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,717
No, it's 1993, It's backwards.

117
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,878
I'll switch to reverse mode. (BLEEPS)

118
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,190
"Three brought to life in bank raid.

119
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,512
"A masked man with
a sawn-off shotgun sucked bullets

120
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,069
"out of two cashiers and a security guard

121
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,834
"in a South London bank tomorrow.

122
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,638
"The armed raider then forced
terrified staff to accept £10,000,

123
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,758
"which he demanded
they place in the bank's vaults.

124
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,550
"The man, Michael Ellis,
completed a 15-year prison sentence

125
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,599
"for the crime two years ago."

126
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,240
- What does that say?
- It's an advert.

127
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:23,952
"Roll-off deodorant. Keeps you wet
and smelly for up to 24 hours."

128
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,429
What are we going to do?
This place is totally crazy.

129
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,280
There's nothing we can do until the others find us.

130
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,195
We'd better get a job, but what jobs are there in a backwards reality

131
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,638
for a dead hologram and an android
with a head shaped like a novelty condom?

132
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,550
Here's the jobs page. This looks interesting.

133
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,473
"Wanted - managing director, ICI.
Excellent demotion prospects.

134
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,598
"Right candidate could go
straight to the bottom."

135
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,919
- Something a bit more low-key.
- "Busy London Restaurant requires dish dirtier"?

136
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,913
- Anything else?
- Ah, this looks interesting.

137
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,515
"Theatrical agent requires novelty acts."

138
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:06,115
- What do we do that's a novelty?
- In this world, everything.

139
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,833
- Three weeks we been doing this.
- We'll do it till we find them.

140
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,795
We ain't gonna find 'em. They're gone, buddy.

141
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,671
But look on the bright side... they're gone, buddy!

142
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,951
Don't you care about anyone but yourself?

143
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,720
Hell, no. I don't even care about you.

144
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:37,431
The way I see it, if Goalpost-Head and Freak-Face
want to get themselves lost, that's their bag.

145
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,797
I don't see why it should cut
into my preening time.

146
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,631
You realise with all this rescue stuff,
I haven't permed my leg hairs in a week?

147
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,838
- I'm a wreck.
- You perm your leg hairs?

148
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,109
Only as an aid to the natural curl.

149
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,950
- Fasten your belt.
- Hey, I do not need fashion tips from you.

150
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,834
SAFETY belt. Look.

151
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,116
Is that what I think it is?

152
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,989
- What do you think it is?
- An orange whirly thing in space

153
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,272
It's a time hole.
That's where they are. We're going in.

154
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,279
- Are you crazy?! You can't go in there!
- Why not?

155
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,630
Orange with this suit?!

156
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,871
Where are we?

157
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:28,159
I don't believe this.
According to the NaviComp, this is Earth.

158
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,799
(LISTER) Engage cloak. I'm takin' her down.

159
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,595
- (CAT) What did you do that for?
- Well, we don't want to freak the natives.

160
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,439
(METALLIC CLUNK)

161
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,399
Hey. What's the matter?

162
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:53,190
I dunno.
I think me ribs are cracked. And me back.

163
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,079
- Is my eye bruised?
- Yeah, it is.

164
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,676
- What's that?
- It's a homing device.

165
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,474
It'll find their flight recorder.

166
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,631
Yonder.

167
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,997
I'm home.

168
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,436
- You found anything?
- Well, the Bug's there, but they're not.

169
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,836
You're dry.

170
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,991
That's weird.

171
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,791
Let's take a look around.
Maybe they left us a clue or something.

172
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,950
(LISTER) What's this?

173
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,272
Ah, man they must have left them
to tell us where they'll be.

174
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,593
- What's it say?
- Dunno, it's in some weird language.

175
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:57,192
"Srehtorb." That must be Polish
or Bulgarian or somethin'.

176
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:02,389
- You speak Bulgarian?
- Bulgarian, me?! I can hardly speak English.

177
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,398
What's this?

178
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:11,317
Nodnol? Hang on!
Wait a minute! Nodnol. Nod-nol.

179
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,710
- It's in Bulgaria isn't it?
- Are you sure?

180
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,520
Absolutely, Geography was my number-one subject
at school.

181
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:20,719
Nodnol, Bulgaria - rich in animal produce
and mineral wealth, just south of Bosnia.

182
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,515
- What's "selim"?
- Well, obviously, Bulgarian for kilometres.

183
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,990
You're so smart. I'm glad I came with you.

184
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,310
Well, we are the smart party.

185
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,471
(BOTH MAKE BEATBOX SOUNDS)

186
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,276
(RAPS) I didn't come here lookin' for trouble

187
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,431
I just came to do the Red Dwarf shuffle!

188
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,637
(CAT) He's smart

189
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,279
(BOTH) He's smart

190
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,432
(LISTER) My ribs are killing me.
Let's find some transport.

191
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,878
Come on! Let's go! Go! Come on!

192
00:14:50,980 --> 00:14:52,656
!yeH !yeH

193
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,940
!mednat ruo s'taht ,sdratsab gnibbor uoy ,iO

194
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,316
Bye, suckers! You lost your bike!

195
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,199
Start pedalling, man! Start pedalling!

196
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,912
- What's happening here? Get this thing in forward gear!
- It IS in forward gear!

197
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,239
Stop! Stop!

198
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,190
No more. I'm not moving
another yard on this thing.

199
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,510
I'm getting a parting
in the back of my head.

200
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,956
It's these cheap Bulgarian bikes.

201
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,272
You probably have to queue up
for a year to get this piece of crap.

202
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,195
You probably have to be a government
official to get one that goes forwards.

203
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,397
Yo, matey. Excuse me. Excuse me.

204
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:42,994
?nodraP

205
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,549
Erm, No, I don't speak any
Bulgarian. Do you speak English?

206
00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:48,240
?snairagluB uoy era ,hsilgnE m'I ,yrroS

207
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:53,191
We're lookin' for our friend. Erm...friendski.

208
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,318
Uh... Our budski? Palski?

209
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,471
There's an addresski hereski.

210
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,359
Can you, erm...drop us offski?

211
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,540
!kcab eht ni poH .bup siht wonk I ,eruS

212
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:09,233
- Rock'n'roll.
-Thankski verski muchski, budski.

213
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,678
(CAT) Hey! Hey! Hey!
We're movin' in the right direction now.

214
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,478
(DOG BARKS BACKWARDS)

215
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,711
This is the place.

216
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,111
My eye! Me back feels
like it's been cut to ribbons!

217
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,033
Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan!

218
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:52,492
!srehtorB esreveR lanoitasneS eht ot eybdoog mraw ,gib a evig dna trapa sdnah ruoy ekat ot uoy tnaw I ,nemeltneg dna seidaL

219
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,955
Ladies and gentlemen, olleh, olleh, olleh.

220
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,231
Welcome to the show.

221
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,991
(ROARS OF LAUGHTER)

222
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,318
- That's a joke?
- For our first trick tonight,

223
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,429
my partner Kryten will attempt
to eat a boiled egg...

224
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,671
- forwards.
- (ALL GASP)

225
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,510
(CRIES OF DISGUST AND AMUSEMENT)

226
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,995
This is entertainment to these people?
It's pathetic.

227
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,879
They're Bulgarian. They have very simple tastes.

228
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,758
I have it. It's a moron convention.

229
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,271
Check the coat room.
If there are 20 jackets, all white,

230
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,080
with arms that tie behind the neck, You know I'm right.

231
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,119
And what better way to round off a meal, ladies and gentlemen

232
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,193
than by drinking a glass of water?

233
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,636
- Kryten.
- Whoa, stick around.

234
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,713
They're building up to a big climax.

235
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,074
We are the Sensational Reverse Brothers , ladies and gentlemen.

236
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,039
We shall see you last night.

237
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,237
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

238
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,670
Let's get a drink and go backstage.
Hello? Excuse me?

239
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,354
Can I have two pints of bitter, please?

240
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,879
- Bitter. Two pints.
- She can't understand you, buddy

241
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,271
- You're wasting your time.
- Yo, matey, what's that you're drinkin' there?

242
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,238
Y'know, drinking, Beerski?

243
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,630
Ah, rettib. Two pints of rettib, please.

244
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,871
- Rettib?
- Two.

245
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,953
Was that difficult? No, we're the smart party.

246
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,515
Rettib. Rettib.

247
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,160
.slleb elgniJ

248
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,471
(BACKWARDS SLURPING)

249
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,438
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

250
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,991
This isn't Bulgaria. Look at that menu. "Unem."

251
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,595
It's English, but backwards.
Everything's backwards.

252
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,876
- Everything's backwards?
- Yeah.

253
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,519
Right!

254
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,389
Well, as they say,
when in Rome, do as the Snamor do.

255
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,991
- Up the hatch.
- Booties down.

256
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,829
What do you mean, you don't want to leave?!

257
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,230
- We're happy.
- We've found a niche.

258
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,710
We're the Sensational Reverse Brothers.

259
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,917
We've only been here three weeks, and we're a big hit.

260
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:41,238
- Rimmer, everything is backwards.
- We've got used to it.

261
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,109
It's true, once you get over the initial shock,
things actually make a lot more sense this way round.

262
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,878
There's no death here. You start off dead,
you have a funeral, then come back to life.

263
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,034
As each year passes, you get younger and younger
until you become a newborn baby.

264
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,191
Then you go back inside your mother,

265
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,670
who goes back inside her mother,
and so on,

266
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,593
until eventually
we all become one glorious whole.

267
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,037
Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole.

268
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,192
- You've totally flipped, man.
- We want to stay.

269
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,713
But we can't stay. Look, I'm 25 now.
In 10 years' time, I'll be 15.

270
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,599
I'll have to go through puberty again.
Backwards.

271
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,919
Imagine that. Your gajimbas
will suddenly rise back into your body,

272
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,516
and next thing you know,
you're singing soprano in the school choir.

273
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,554
And worse than that,
in 25 years, I'll be a little sperm,

274
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,156
swimming around in somebody's testicles.

275
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,914
I mean, pardon me, but that's just not how I saw my future.

276
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,629
I'm telling you, things are better this way.
It's our universe that's the wrong way round.

277
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,713
Take war. War is a wonderful thing here.

278
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:48,350
In 50 years' time, the Second
World War will start...backwards.

279
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,712
- That's a good thing?
- Millions of people will come to life.

280
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,397
Hitler will retreat across Europe,
liberate France and Poland,

281
00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:00,235
disband the Third Reich
and bog off back to Austria.

282
00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,680
We're smash hits, here. We'd be crazy to leave.

283
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,316
Rimmer, we don't belong here.
This place is crazy.

284
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,878
Crazy? Death, disease, famine -
there's none of that here.

285
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:16,035
There's no crime.
Our first night we were here, a mugger jumped us

286
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,953
and forced £50 into my wallet at knifepoint.

287
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:23,273
OK, OK. But look at the flipside
of the coin. It's not all good.

288
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,795
Take someone like, say, St Francis of Assisi.

289
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,349
In this universe,
he's the petty-minded little sadist

290
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,557
who goes around maiming small animals.

291
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,678
Or Santa Claus - what a bastard!

292
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,871
- Eh?
- He's the big fat git

293
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,829
who sneaks down chimneys
and steals all the kids' favourite toys.

294
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,000
!uoy ot skcolloB .uoy fo tol eht etah I ,ti
enod ev'dluoc ydobyna ,parc s'tca ruoy yawynA

295
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,116
What fight? we didn't start any fight?
- What's he saying?

296
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:54,500
.tog S'EH efil das roop a tahw ,gniyas m'I
s'taht hsibbur eht tuo krow yllautca dna dnuor ti nrut

297
00:21:54,524 --> 00:21:58,884
gnidrocer siht fo dloh teg ot derehtob
s'ohw yrtnuoc eht ni tarp eno eht gnisserdda m'I.

298
00:21:58,908 --> 00:22:03,013
uoy gnisserdda yllautca ton m'I tub ,uoy ta gnitniop m'I ,uoy ta gnitniop m'I ,uoy dnA

299
00:22:03,037 --> 00:22:07,320
?uoy t'nera ,tig dlab
dedaeh-erauqs diputs a era uoY

300
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,111
(KNOCKING)

301
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,951
- We're fired! Something about a fight.
- You've been with us all night.

302
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,437
He says we'll never work the pub circuit again.

303
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,114
Oh, for smeg's sake! Be reasonable!

304
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,990
(BACKWARDS CONVERSATION)

305
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,655
- Tell him about the contract, the contract thing.
- Oh the contract, yep.

306
00:22:28,679 --> 00:22:29,835
- He can't just sack us like that.

307
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,991
(SPEAKS BACKWARDS)

308
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:38,112
- What's that about?
- Dunno, Rimmer in a fight? That's a laugh.

309
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,590
- So, what's the plan?
- I dunno, see what happens.

310
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,993
If they don't change their minds,
head back without them, I suppose. My back!

311
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:07,274
We just gotta get out of here.
This universe is just too disgusting.

312
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,711
!sdratsab ydoolb uoY

313
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,598
- What's the matter with him?
- !eip gniddos ym deffocs-nu ev'uoY

314
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,792
I think he's a bit teed off
we've just uneaten his pie.

315
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,640
Unbelievable. We didn't start a fight.

316
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,956
Look, I'm sorry, man. We were just... Ah!

317
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,873
- (CAT) Are you OK?
- My black eye's gone!

318
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,317
He just sucked it off me face with his fist! Oh!

319
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,871
- Now he's uncracked me ribs!
- We don't want any trouble.

320
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,032
No, no, you don't understand.
All this mess, all this debris,

321
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,273
is from the fight we got fired for,
this is from a fight we're about to have!

322
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,757
ABOUT to have?
I don't wanna be involved in a bar room brawl.

323
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,079
It's not a bar room brawl.
It's a bar room tidy. Unrumble!

324
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,955
- Where are you going, you coward.
- I've just worked out what happens to me back.

325
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,554
Here, matey, have your tooth back.

326
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,936
(BACKWARDS CHATTER)

327
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:56,780
.noitcA

328
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,198
Good one, gentlemen.
Thanks for your support. Let's go.

329
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,431
I've forgotten something.

330
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:18,113
- (SPEAKS BACKWARDS)
- What the hell? It's a good cause.

331
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,909
How much is that, matey?

332
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,673
Oh, aye, yeah!

333
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,433
(CABBIE) Oi!

334
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,557
Tight git.

335
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:51,595
You know, it could have worked.
It really could. Where's the Cat?

336
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,072
He won't be long.
He's...you know...in the bushes.

337
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,910
We've got to stop him.

338
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,551
Don't ask!

339
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,518
# It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere

340
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,991
# I'm all alone, more or less

341
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,357
# Let me fly far away from here

342
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,194
# Fun, fun, fun

343
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,910
# In the sun, sun, sun

344
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,436
# I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose

345
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,718
# Drinking fresh mango juice

346
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,191
# Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes

347
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,920
# Fun, fun, fun

348
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,789
# In the sun, sun, sun

349
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,634
# Fun, fun, fun

350
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:04,033
# In the sun, sun, sun #