1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:04,399 ("RED DWARF" THEME) 2 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,555 Mmm! Smells good, Kryten. What is it? 3 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,599 Something I caught scuttling around the cargo bay, sir. 4 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,149 Managed to land a monkey wrench on it and the rest is history! 5 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,034 Scuttling thing a la monkey wrench? 6 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,430 Kryten, nothing I'm prepared to eat has ever scuttled. 7 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,591 This mouth is a scuttle-free zone. 8 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,236 - It does smell good, though, what is it? - Ah, the only clue I'm prepared to give, sir 9 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,869 is we're having it with green wine. 10 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,515 - It's space weevil, isn't it? - It is not, no, sir. 11 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:07,754 Look, the rule is simple. I will not eat any animal that's ever been a cartoon. 12 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,675 Weevils, rabbits, dogs, cats, mice, roadrunners... 13 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,309 All out. I'm not a cartoonivore! 14 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,549 - Ta-da! - Lobster?! 15 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:21,549 Poached in a delicate cream sauce, sir. Little so-and-so escaped in the hold. 16 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:26,357 - Where did you get a live lobster? - The SS Centauri. They had four in their stasis block. 17 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,952 You've really gone to a lot of trouble over this, haven't ya? 18 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,140 You don't know what day it is, do you, sir? 19 00:01:33,164 --> 00:01:34,493 - Day? Someone's birthday? - No. 20 00:01:34,517 --> 00:01:35,397 - Christmas? Easter? - No... 21 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,110 - National Have Something That Scuttles For Dinner Day? - No. 22 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:41,950 - Well what, then? - Today's the day that you rescued me from the Nova 5. 23 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,350 I thought we should have a surprise celebration! 24 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,182 I had no idea, why didn't you say?... 25 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:49,191 Ah, if you'd said it wouldn't have been much of a surprise, right? 26 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:54,236 Precisely, sir. It would have been about as unsurprising as an episode of "Tales of the Unexpected". 27 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,356 - Eh? - The old Channel 72 show. It was... 28 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,754 Everyone... 29 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,954 - Never mind. - OK, everybody? Ready? Let's go! 30 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,879 - Go? - We're going to the Artificial Reality suite! 31 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,192 We just loaded in that new software we picked up from the SS Centauri. 32 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,677 Can you believe the luck? Finding a working copy of "Jane Austen World"? 33 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,117 It's the luckiest find I've made since I discovered that tube of leg wax under the medi-scanner 34 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,271 You found my leg wax? 35 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,991 We're going to visit "Pride and Prejudice Land". This is gonna be so great! 36 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:29,199 It's Chick City, bud! Five sisters, and they're all hotter than a Mustang's exhaust! 37 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:33,553 - But what about the supper? - The thing is, we didn't know. 38 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,594 - Put it in the oven, we'll have it in a couple of hours. - But I mean... It's just... 39 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:42,476 Look, I'm just trying to get the Bozo Brothers here interested in something slightly more culturally sophisticated 40 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:47,953 than "Name That Smell" or the even more popular "How Many Marbles Can You Fit Up Your Nostril?" game 41 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,590 - We'll have it when we get back. - And you're going to go with them, sir? 42 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,229 - This is... It's unbelievable! - I know! 43 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,792 Dave and Jane Austen are not an obvious pairing, but think about it - 44 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,836 she's closely identified with Bath in the 19th century, and that was the last time Dave had one! 45 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,037 Come on! 46 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:12,753 I just thought I'd check it out. You know, I never had much of an education what with being an orphan and going to art college. 47 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,480 - Thought I might learn something. - Of course. Silly of me. 48 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:20,396 After all, you've always been a big fan of penetrating 19th-century observations of middle-class manners. 49 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,936 I mean, just because you own a T-shirt advertising the rock band 'Colostomy Explosion' 50 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,951 doesn't mean you're not a master of erudition! 51 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,199 Ah look, just stick it in the oven, come and join us, and we'll have it when we get back. 52 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,830 - Two days I've spent preparing this! - Kryten, I've gotta go, man. 53 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,913 They're waiting for me. Sorry. 54 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:42,472 I don't know why I bother. Gallivanting off like that! 55 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,517 And on our anniversary too! 56 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:54,836 Pride and Prejudice World! When I was 14 in cyberschool, I used to spend all my time here. 57 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,119 These strides are too tackle-tight, Officer BB. I can barely cruise! 58 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,477 Just try and appreciate the nuance and culture. 59 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:07,077 I'm trying, but it's real hard when there's a seam splicing your nadgers in two! 60 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,312 - You're gonna spoil this, aren't you? - No, he won't, he'll be fine. 61 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,997 Look man, all clothes were a bit nadger-restricting back in them days. That's why there were so many wars. 62 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,151 OK? Let's interact with the characters, 63 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:22,554 then perhaps you can begin to understand why the book is such a masterpiece. 64 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,950 Ah! Good morning, Mrs Bennet. Is it not a most fine day? 65 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,759 'Tis an utter delight and no mistake. 66 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:37,757 Ooh! I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting your handsome young friends. 67 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,911 (GIGGLING) 68 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,590 This is Mr Lister and his friend Mr Cat. 69 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,434 (ALL GIGGLE) 70 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,871 Perhaps you would you like to join us on a turn round the forest 71 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,590 and later have tea in Mr Bingley's gazebo? 72 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,395 - Oh, please, Mama, can they come? - May they? Oh, that would be so delightful! 73 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,552 Oh, yes! Oh, please! Do! Do come to tea! 74 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,711 Oh, please, please! 75 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,230 They're so hot they're steaming! 76 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,880 Cook it, don't cook it, do this, do that... 77 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:18,070 well, I'm sorry, I'm gonna make you eat this damn supper if it's the last thing I do! 78 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,599 (GIGGLING AND CHATTER) 79 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,478 Aaah! 80 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,318 (GAGS) 81 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,153 (THUD) 82 00:06:09,544 --> 00:06:10,824 (METALLIC CRASH) 83 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,354 I'll just borrow the T-72 from the WW2 game, 84 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,751 and then I think we'll have everyone's attention. 85 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,470 Where on Earth have Lizzie and Jane disappeared to? 86 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,075 Such rudeness. I'm most vexed! 87 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,918 (GIGGLING) 88 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,475 Never mind, Mrs Bennet. I'm sure they'll be... 89 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:56,273 Perhaps I didn't make myself clear? I said supper is ready! 90 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:11,160 Is anyone still unclear as to the supper situation? No? Excellent. 91 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,910 I didn't know robots got PMT. 92 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,998 - It's nice, Kryts. Really nice. - (KOCHANSKI) It's really great. 93 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,476 - In fact, it's better than nice, it's fantastic. - Isn't it great? 94 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,109 - It's really great. - Really really great. 95 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,036 Are we eating the same stuff? 96 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,799 I don't know why I make the effort. No one appreciates the hours I put into food prep. 97 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,839 My fingers are practically worn down to the endoskeleton. 98 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,634 - Is there any ketchup? - Any what? 99 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,118 Ketchup. I just thought it could do with a bit of ketchup. Just a dollop? 100 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,311 - Ketchup? - Oh, my God. 101 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,551 - You want ketchup? - Um... brown! 102 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,234 Not tomato! Brown! It's not like I've got no class. 103 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,114 With lobster? You want brown ketchup? 104 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:02,314 It's really nice, Kryts, but you know me! I just thought it could do with a bit of a pep up. 105 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:06,229 I can't believe it. I simply cannot b... 106 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,912 Well done, bud! Now we'll have to do the washing up. 107 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,359 He's literally blown his top! Cat, can you go and get a spare head? 108 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,915 How come I have to do everything around here? 109 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:29,599 I never get a second to myself! "Cat do this, Cat do that." What am I? A dog? 110 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,390 There. I think that's it. Boot him up. 111 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,670 - You're sure you know what you're doing? - Hey. 112 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,636 Ketchup? With lobster?! You want... 113 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,356 I thought you said you knew what you were doing! 114 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:56,958 No, I just said "Hey". 115 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:01,830 If you'd let me finish the whole sentence, it would've been "Hey! No, I don't." 116 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,314 - Any luck? - We've been back and forth through his core program 117 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,471 and as far as we can tell nothing's wrong. 118 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:12,310 - Maybe worth testing it with one of his spare heads? - What spare heads? 119 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,511 We've blown them all out. 120 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:19,959 Look at it. Have you ever seen so many blackheads outside the staffroom of a fried chicken franchise? 121 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:25,394 We managed to save his RAM chips, so at least we've got his personality on disk, but that's about it. 122 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,833 Life without a head. That's gonna put a real crimp on his lifestyle. 123 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,834 - I mean, what can you do without a head? - Apart from being you? Hardly anything. 124 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,081 We're gonna have to get him another one somehow. 125 00:09:36,105 --> 00:09:39,194 I should've been looking out for him. How could I let this happen? 126 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,598 When was the Centauri built? Maybe they had a mechanoid service unit? 127 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:48,556 - Think. Any clues when it was built? - Which century? 128 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:54,950 It had those big crystalline turbine drives. I'd say 21st or 22nd century... 129 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,076 maybe even 23rd or 24th. 130 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,751 At the outside, 25th, 26th or 27th. But don't hold me to it. 131 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,048 Why are you asking his advice? 132 00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:10,318 Let's at least ask someone who's going to give us a slightly more intelligent opinion... 133 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,756 Hello, wall! What do you think? 134 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,958 Hang on. Hang on. 135 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,230 - What are you doing? - Logging onto their mainframe. 136 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,796 If there's a Divadroid signature on their supplies inventory, 137 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,396 then it's possible there's some mech-heads around there somewhere. 138 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,551 Maybe 29th. 139 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,994 Look! 140 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:57,358 Hey... Simulant, probably rogue. Let's get the smeg outta here! 141 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,638 Wait! 142 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,718 (LISTER) Hmm, you smell good. (CAT) Thanks! 143 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,676 - They're all missing their primers. - Well, this Johnny won't help us. 144 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:25,789 Simulants hate everything human or humanoid. In fact, anything beginning with "hu". 145 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:29,669 Probably hate the third largest city in Vietnam, then! 146 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,515 - Why's that? - Because it's called Hue, dummy. 147 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:38,197 Actually, it's pronounced "hwah" but if I'd said "hwah" it wouldn't have been as funny. 148 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:42,479 Any navigation conference, anywhere, they would be in the aisles with a quip like that. 149 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,395 Probably trying to get out the building before you quipped again. 150 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:52,476 Well, the point I was trying to make was that Sims hate humans but they don't hate Gelfs. 151 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,917 - But we're not Gelfs. - We could be. 152 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:01,309 - This is nuts! - We look great! What are you talking about? 153 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,115 - This is never gonna work. - Achachachachach ach-ach? 154 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,112 Hachachachach! Achachach! 155 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,635 - You can't speak Gelf. - Neither can the Sim! 156 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:15,193 We'll just do an impression of you first thing in the morning and we'll be fine. Come on, boy. 157 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,431 (LISTER) This is so demeaning. I feel like a piece of meat! 158 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:26,875 There's someone up there! Hachachachach! Achachach! 159 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,793 Achachachachach ach-ach-ach? 160 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,237 It's worse than the Chronic Catarrh Sufferers' annual outing! 161 00:12:36,684 --> 00:12:39,011 - Achachachachach? - After spare mech-heads, eh? 162 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:45,716 Human! Lovely with a bit of mint sauce! How about a trade? 163 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:51,438 We ain't selling, OK? Fuel, supplies, anything, but not the human. 164 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,433 - Achachachachach! - I was just telling him. No deal. 165 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,797 - Achachachachach! - Like she says, no deal. 166 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,031 - Achachachach! - You tell him, bud-babe! 167 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,237 No deal! You got that? 168 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,398 So... you speak Earth, eh? 169 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,599 Ach. 170 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:15,976 Now... Tails, you can have the mech-heads for free. 171 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:20,073 - Heads, I take the human. - Hey, wait a minute! 172 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,916 It's tails. The heads are yours. 173 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:31,399 And here are the primers. 174 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,998 Now, how about a toast, eh? 175 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,677 To Simulants, the greatest droids in the universe! 176 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,997 But never trust 'em, eh? Cheers! 177 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,831 Ah! (LAUGHS) 178 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,316 - Oh, we've been set up! - But how? 179 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:03,356 He must have had a sidekick. He kept us talking while his mate ransacked the ship! 180 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,113 Kryten! 181 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,799 They've taken his RAM chip too. 182 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:31,113 Little job for you, Able. Looks like a negadrive blowback. 183 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:35,274 - Oh, wow! Another mech. - Yeah, fix him ready for market 184 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,155 or I'll apply the electro-leads to your nipple nuts. 185 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,914 Fix him or get fried nipple nuts? 186 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:46,916 Erm... Er... I think I'm gonna choose the fix him option! Deal! 187 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:51,550 And hurry it up, you stupid zoney! 188 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,831 Is now a good time to ask about a pay rise? 189 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,038 I'm almost out of otrazone. I need some more. 190 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:03,034 Fix the mech first. Here's his RAM chip. 191 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,112 (GRUNTS) 192 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,391 Totally tubular! 193 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,277 (BLEEPS) 194 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,592 Goodness me! What a peculiar experience. 195 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,559 Thank you, Mr, er, Mr, er... What is your name? 196 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,469 Er, just give me a second, OK? Hmph. 197 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:46,591 I've just sent that query down to long-term memory retrieval. It'll be back in no time. Hmph. 198 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,673 Hang on. Here it comes. Hmmph. 199 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,309 Told you it would be quick. Hmmmmph. 200 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:56,189 Able. My name's Able. A-B-L-E, Able. 201 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,153 My name is Kryten. You're a 4000 series, too, aren't you? 202 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,518 Er, hang on. Won't take a tick. Hmmph! 203 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,354 Please, don't bother. Believe me, you are a 4000. 204 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:10,235 Well, I could check. It'd only take about 20 seconds. Hmmph. 205 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:15,554 Your serial number's 2X4C. I'm a 2X4C too! We must have the same motherboard. 206 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:20,596 Oh, then you're my bro! Hey, wow, you wanna try some otrazone? 207 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,950 Otrazone's dangerous and highly addictive! 208 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,790 I just use it every now and then, you know. It helps me get through the day. 209 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,476 - Well, how come you ended up here? - Er, hang on. 210 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,951 - Hmmmmmph! - What an irritating characteristic. 211 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,950 Uh! OK. The ship I was on, well, er- kind of crashed a bit. 212 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,879 - "Crashed a bit"? - All the crew just lay there 213 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,077 and they didn't talk to me any more. 214 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,710 After a couple of years, I figured out they must be dead. 215 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:51,271 A long time later, the Simulant guy came and picked me up. 216 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,434 He's a bit of a psychopathic killing machine, but he has his good side. 217 00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:01,232 And he has a huge stash of otrazone! You sure you won't try some, Kryten, bro? 218 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,070 I am not your bro, and I do not touch otrazone! It corrupts your circuit boards! 219 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,636 Well, that's what people say, but where's the evidence? 220 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,111 Have I just said that? 221 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:22,278 Approaching the Centauri, 80 klicks and closing. Nice and easy, man. 222 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:27,035 Hang on. Their retros have started up. They've spotted us! 223 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,117 Look at the acceleration of that thing! They're already halfway across the sector! 224 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,358 The Centauri can travel at speeds that we can only dream of. 225 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:42,077 Most ice cream vans can travel at speeds we can only dream of. 226 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,750 We're never gonna catch them now. We've lost Kryten. 227 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:51,319 OK, turn the thrusters to maximum speed on a bearing Q-2-3 stroke J-8-0. 228 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,595 This is the opposite direction from Centauri, full speed! 229 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,831 - Precisely. - Why do we wanna do that? 230 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,793 - It's totally insane. - (LISTER) So why do we wanna do it, then? 231 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,511 The only reason I can think of is if we'd planted something on the Centauri and we knew it was gonna blow any second. 232 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:08,857 (CAT) But we haven't. 233 00:18:09,024 --> 00:18:12,436 No we haven't. But explain this, if we haven't why are we in such a rush to get the hell out of here? 234 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,591 - (CAT) It doesn't make sense. - Exactly. 235 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,878 - (LISTER) Unless we really have planted a bomb on the Centauri. - Which we haven't. 236 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,356 So wait a minute. Even though we didn't plant a bomb, 237 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:24,957 the only thing that really explains what we're doing is if we did... which we didn't! 238 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,397 But we must have, because otherwise what we're doing is totally nuts! 239 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,911 - Exactly. - They've turned around and started tracking us! 240 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,078 What a fluke! 241 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:45,914 Getting an incoming. Someone's beaming on board, cargo bay! 242 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,549 We know about the bomb. 243 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:58,310 So we did plant a bomb! I was beginning to wonder. 244 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,638 Where did you hide it? Speak! 245 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,799 Or you'll spend the rest of the day picking bits of charred mech out of your clothing. 246 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,358 - Can I change into dungarees? - Hand over Kryten and we'll tell you. 247 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,190 Clearly I need to prove myself. 248 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:19,076 Kryten, that file in your CPU, 249 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,834 the one you've never been able to access. 250 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,870 The password is 4X2C. 251 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,117 Hang on, man. (GRUNTS) 252 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,472 It's about your creator, Kryten, Dr Mamet. 253 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,194 - Kryten, no! - Accessing now. 254 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,309 No! It can't be true. 255 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,829 - It can't. - The truth is in there. 256 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,310 That's what turned me into a zoney. 257 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,113 Who's next? 258 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:53,593 The cat or the woman? Choose. Heads or tails? 259 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,194 Heads! 260 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:09,439 Right, let's send them back to their ship and get the hell outta here before they get their smeg together! 261 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,711 Kryten, man, what's wrong? 262 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,555 You look sadder than the salad you get with a takeaway shami kebab. 263 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:33,236 - Tell me what you found out about your creator. - I can't, sir. It's too terrible. 264 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,558 Kryten, me and you are amigos. You've gotta tell me. 265 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,229 - Well, you keep secrets from me, sir. - Like what? 266 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,074 - What about your nickname when you were at school? - What nickname? 267 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,914 - I know what it was. - I don't think so, no one knows that. 268 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,960 Well, I'm afraid that's just not true, Fatboy. You talk in your sleep. 269 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,670 It was for a couple of years! 11 to 13 when I living with me gran. 270 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,992 She was massive. Her stockings used to rub together when she walked. 271 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,996 When she was in a hurry it sounded like a steam train pulling out of a station. 272 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,676 I started getting fat, too. It really hit home when she died. 273 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:08,596 She got knocked down by this truck, and the chalk outline guy had to go back to the car for a second piece of chalk! 274 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,479 I thought, "I don't want to end up like that. Double-chalker." 275 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:16,271 If you ever tell Kris or the Cat this, you're in pieces. Now tell me about your creator. 276 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,035 - Oh, it's so humiliating! - Tell me about Professor Mamet. 277 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:26,310 Well, she was due to marry John Warburton, a fellow bio-engineer. 278 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:31,600 He jilted her the day before their wedding, so she decided to create a droid in his image - 279 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:37,551 a pompous, ridiculous-looking, mother-hen-clucking, irascible buffoon. 280 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:42,635 - What happened to this droid? - That droid, sir, is me! 281 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:47,431 Pompous? Ridiculous-looking? Mother-hen-clucking? 282 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,240 Oh, yeah. I see now. 283 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,040 We're all John Warburton, sir, the entire 4000 series. 284 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,191 It was Mamet's revenge. 285 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,519 Well, judging from the length of your groinal attachment, you can see why she was so sad to lose him. 286 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,839 As part of the joke, all my negative emotions - jealousy, anger - 287 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,516 are stored on a special file, my negadrive. 288 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,594 Now, when this file gets full it blows! Just like he used to. 289 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,320 All your resentment's in this thing? It's so small. 290 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,633 Oh, don't be fooled by that, sir. This box contains the greatest concentration 291 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,589 of anger, jealousy and resentment outside a BAFTA awards ceremony! 292 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:27,556 So Able felt betrayed, lost all his self-esteem and turned to otrazone. 293 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,239 He told me. He's promised to quit. 294 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,516 How could Mamet have done this? 295 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,799 Kryten, you may have started out as a joke, but you've grown, you've changed. 296 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:43,080 Look how different you are to Able. If Mamet came in here now I bet she wouldn't even recognise you. 297 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,629 - I've evolved? - You bet. 298 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,110 I've become something that's beyond a joke? 299 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,271 Too right, man. 300 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,833 There's something coming in from the starboard bow! 301 00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:00,158 - The Sim's back. He's got a lock on! - Reverse thrust. Go! Five-niner-seven. 302 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,516 - (BOOM) - Missed, but still locked on! 303 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,957 - Right, I'm taking us into that asteroid belt. - Oh, not an asteroid belt! 304 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,377 Is that a problem? 305 00:23:07,401 --> 00:23:11,194 It sure is! Everything tips from side to side and my hair gets all messed up! 306 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:16,951 - So what do we do? Stay here and get splattered? - Rather that than me looking like Tina Turner! 307 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,674 - I'm taking us in. - Once we're in the belt, 308 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,117 we'll have to maintain ship and engine silence 'til he's convinced we're not there. 309 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,752 I know you're in that belt somewhere. 310 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,353 One little mistake... and you're mine. 311 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,471 (ENGINES ROAR) 312 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,476 The mistake is made. 313 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,311 What happened, man? 314 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,793 - I don't know! I don't know nothin'! - Get him out of here! 315 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,957 Leave him to me! 316 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,430 (ABLE CHUCKLES) I think I may have pressed the wrong button. 317 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,916 You have jeopardised the lives of the entire crew, 318 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,515 breaking the most basic, fundamental command codes! 319 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,190 I'm sorry. I didn't mean nothin'. 320 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,635 - This dude's real mad. We don't stand a chance! - I can't throw him off, nothing's working. 321 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:55,079 - I'm using every trick I know to distract him! - Pity we can't all moon out of the starboard portholes! 322 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,800 That always works for me! 323 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,389 Wait! Someone's left the ship, an escape pod! 324 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,511 - It's Able! - It's heading towards the Sim's ship. 325 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,315 Why, that slimy, double-crossing, two-faced piece of scum! 326 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:10,993 He's no brother of mine! 327 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:19,397 - He's fired something at them. - Some sort of energy field. Looks heavy. 328 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:25,278 The negadrive! He's used my negadrive energy and rerouted it through the escape pod's thrusters. 329 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,273 The Simulant ship is engulfed in all my negativity. 330 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,955 It's all hopeless! Nobody loves me! 331 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,434 I'm so ugly! I never get invited to parties! 332 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,150 I hate this ship! 333 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,711 I hate everything! 334 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,351 Able's pod just crash-landed. 335 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,870 He threw his life away to save us, and we hardly knew him. 336 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:18,632 With your permission, sirs, ma'am, I should like to recover the body and perform last rites. 337 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:31,191 - Do you need a hand, Kryts? - He ain't heavy, sir. He's my brother. 338 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,956 Great anniversary party, Kryters. 339 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,310 Curry World! Fan-smeggin'-tastic! 340 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,919 How utterly splendid! 341 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,357 Mine's the vindaloo, whatever that is. 342 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,678 Mrs Bennet, Jane, Kitty, I beg you have the omelette with the big chips. 343 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,799 - Curries are an acquired taste. - Oh, nonsense! 344 00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,430 Mr Darcy didn't think Jane would enjoy French apples, 345 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:04,036 but she did, didn't you, Jane? 346 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,350 Now tuck in, girls! 347 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:21,553 I do declare, Mr Lister, this is most scrumptious! 348 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,878 Oh, Mama, it's the most succulent dish I've ever tasted! 349 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,118 A most meritorious venture. 350 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,315 (ALL SCREAM) 351 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,909 Curious. There must be some kind of bug in the program. 352 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,673 - I'm on fire! - Water! 353 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,434 - Somebody help me! - Don't worry, sir, I'll work on it. 354 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,073 # It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere 355 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,471 # I'm all alone, more or less 356 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,871 # Let me fly far away from here 357 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,997 # Fun, fun, fun 358 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,390 # In the sun, sun, sun 359 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,837 # I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose 360 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,231 # Drinking fresh mango juice 361 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,518 # Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes 362 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,354 # Fun, fun, fun 363 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,195 # In the sun, sun, sun 364 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,034 # Fun, fun, fun 365 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,398 # In the sun, sun, sun #