1
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:07,717
("RED DWARF" THEME)

2
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,355
This is the daily report of Captain F. Hollister of the mining ship Red Dwarf.

3
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,514
Several of my crew and presently being tried
for crimes against the Space Corps.

4
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,239
This is gonna sound nuts,

5
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:11,430
but the whole crew died, including you, and you've
were resurrected by these microscopic little robots.

6
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:17,312
I've got to track down these nanos to corroborate our
story, otherwise who will believe our defence?

7
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:21,269
Only meths drinkers and the Corn Circle Society.
I need your help, man.

8
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:26,230
I've seen the crew's files, medical records,
sessions with the therapist - the works.

9
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,391
I can make you look like a genius.

10
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,872
You can get promoted in the field, man. You won't have
to take exams. Just help me escape.

11
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:38,956
I have my principles, Lister. You think you can buy me
with promises of power and glory? You really think...

12
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,758
OK, I'll do it.

13
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,913
- You'll have to prove it to me first.
- You're on.

14
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,551
- Get me promoted.
- The confidential files are in Starbug's cockpit.

15
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:54,271
There's a senile version of Holly
loaded into this watch. He'll lead you to it.

16
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:55,839
(TAPPING KEYS)

17
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,360
Yes!

18
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,359
My captain, sir.

19
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,955
Rimmer, is this salute ever gonna end?

20
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,478
Do I have time to go for a cup of coffee,
maybe go on vacation?

21
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,039
Nearly finished, sir.

22
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,673
It's my very special extra-long salute
I reserve for the especially important, sir.

23
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,473
You wanted to see me?

24
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,519
I'm concerned over some of the
safety procedures on board, sir.

25
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:56,231
There's a potentially lethal scenario
concerning drive plates, sir.

26
00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:02,555
Obviously, anyone who misrepaired one of these plates would
have to have a brain the size of a leprechaun's testicle,

27
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,953
nevertheless, sir, like German
tourists, the stupid are everywhere.

28
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,473
I propose the following new safety procedures, sir.

29
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,199
Did you really think of this?

30
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,351
Permission to look smug, sir.

31
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,439
Permission granted.

32
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,920
Good work, Rimmer. Great work.

33
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,037
Oh, before I go, sir,

34
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,760
Happy wedding anniversary, sir.

35
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,794
I'm sure you must be missing her terribly.

36
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,758
A blueberry muffin...

37
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,911
..like Martha used to make.

38
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,312
Well, thanks, Rimmer. Dismissed.

39
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,359
Sir, just one more thing.

40
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,751
I know the medical guys think
we've run out of this stuff,

41
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,673
but I found some unopened medi crates in storage, sir.

42
00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:00,118
If this is useful to you in any way,
it's yours, no questions asked.

43
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,073
"Anus Soothe Pile Cream.”

44
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,880
"The easy-to-apply cream
that comes with its own special glove."

45
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,632
One size fits all.

46
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,273
I could tell from your walk.

47
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,197
Rimmer...

48
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,109
Could you post this for me?

49
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,796
Why, certainly, sir.

50
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,826
Oh, it's addressed to me, sir.

51
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:49,532
I'm giving a supper for some of the
guys that I've marked out for greater things.

52
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:52,110
And you want me
to be the wine waiter, sir?

53
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,271
This report is first rate.

54
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,431
I want you to come to supper.

55
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,956
See you on Friday. Incidentally, it's black tie.

56
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,316
Thai, Chinese - I'll eat anything, sir.

57
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:07,238
Though I would prefer it if it wasn't black.

58
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,028
Any chance of having
mine medium rare, sir?

59
00:05:10,052 --> 00:05:12,679
Just go. Wear what the hell you want.

60
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,671
Get undressed.

61
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,553
Fill this up behind the screen.

62
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,236
(PHRRT!)

63
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,277
(WHIRRING DRILL)

64
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,353
Kryten, hi.

65
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,955
What are you doing here?

66
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,953
What's wrong?

67
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,475
I've been classified as a woman.

68
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,113
A woman? Why?

69
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,635
Well, because I haven't got a... penis.

70
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,719
It's a Space Corps directive
to prevent gender ambiguity in jail.

71
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:30,716
What's the saying? "If you've got nothing
to swing, you can't be with Bing!"

72
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,473
Well, what happened, did you lose it?

73
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,370
I was never issued with one, ma'am.
Why would I need one unless somehow

74
00:07:36,394 --> 00:07:40,872
I lost both arms and there was an emergency
situation to write my name in the snow?

75
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,998
So you mean, you've never had a steak pie,
peas and chips, then?

76
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,516
I think the phrase is meat and two veg, ma'am.

77
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:53,710
The only mechanoids that were ever issued with genitals
were the ones created to work on Italian starships.

78
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,235
It was felt they could acclimatise themselves better

79
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,997
if they could mimic their Italian crewmates
and stand around cupping themselves all day.

80
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:05,597
Hey! Now you're a woman, it's gonna mean
some big changes in the way you behave.

81
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,490
I'm not going to be a woman
for long, ma'am. Just overnight.

82
00:08:09,514 --> 00:08:14,398
They want my permission to repair my corrupted
files. Tomorrow afternoon - restore my factory settings!

83
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,359
But your corrupted files are what make you you.

84
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,273
I've been diagnosed as being quirky and unstable.

85
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,239
Spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!

86
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:28,793
Quirky?! How could they reach a verdict
like that? As for unstable, it makes me so...

87
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:35,239
- Darn it, I still haven't got the hang of that emotion have I?
- What was it supposed to be?

88
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,951
Ambivalence. Didn't come out right though, did it?
I looked like Mr Lister when he's forced to eat fruit.

89
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,122
Look, what are you going to do?

90
00:08:43,146 --> 00:08:46,669
Well I have to go along with them, ma'am.
I can't say no. They are my superiors.

91
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,736
You've got to say no.
- I can't.

92
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,703
They're better than me,
I'm not strong enough.

93
00:08:51,727 --> 00:08:56,950
Right, here's a tip. If you get scared tomorrow,
just imagine what they look like on the loo.

94
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,634
- Can you see ‘em?
- No, I...

95
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,711
Ooh!

96
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,350
- Yes, I can.
- Do they still seem better than you?

97
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,397
- No ma'am.
- Do they still seem superior?

98
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,096
No, ma'am!

99
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,475
Well, that's what you've got to do tomorrow, just recreate that picture.

100
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,360
(LAUGHS)

101
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,195
- It works for everyone.
- Yes! Who are you looking at now?

102
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,680
You, ma'am!

103
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,114
Be upstanding.

104
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,538
Just relax. Rimmer's
gonna help us escape.

105
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:28,152
This inquiry's a piece of cake.
We're just going through the motions.

106
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,233
Let's get this inquiry underway.

107
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,150
You have refused defence assistance.
Is that right?

108
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,787
OK, this is what we do. I've watched a lot of
TV shows, and we all huddle together like this

109
00:09:42,811 --> 00:09:47,118
and whisper for a while before we answer
and it looks like we know what we're doing.

110
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,470
We intend to defend ourselves.

111
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,278
You see how good that looked?

112
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,877
- Are you familiar with the mind scan?
- We are familiar with the mind scan, sir.

113
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,090
You are aware that it pictorially
enhances the cognitive process,

114
00:10:00,114 --> 00:10:04,476
making your innermost thoughts available for
recording and viewing to a Board of Inquiry?

115
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,553
- Yes, sir.
- You understand that it will involve the administration

116
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:13,352
of psychotropic drugs, that is, drugs which affect
your mental state, making this process possible.

117
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,239
- If you accept, say "Aye".
- (ALL) Aye.

118
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:20,712
Please sign the consent forms and
seal them into the envelopes provided.

119
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,590
We reconvene at 10 a.m. tomorrow.

120
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,398
The plan's working, Listy.

121
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:42,589
Operation Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power
and Eminence - or GROPE for short -

122
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,592
is bang on course.

123
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,434
So that information I gave them on the drive plates worked, then? Yes!

124
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:53,551
The captain's face! He couldn't have been happier if I'd
given him two girls wrestling in a giant vat of baked beans,

125
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,758
then removed the girls and handed him a spoon.

126
00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:02,074
He's never been so pleased. And get this, he's invited me
to supper with the movers and the shakers.

127
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,958
The movers and the shakers?

128
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:08,671
You're going to supper with some removal men and a
group of people suffering from Parkinson's Disease?

129
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,515
At last I'll be able to exorcise
my father's disapproval.

130
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:16,753
Those terrible sneery looks he gave me
as he stood on the touchline

131
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,912
watching me captain the school skipping team.

132
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,753
He was never proud of me.

133
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:27,472
What other father would claim to have an alibi
for his sperm on the night of conception?

134
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:33,318
Who cares now? Not me, Listy.
I'm on my way up the ziggurat lickety-split.

135
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:37,792
Don't forget your part of the deal -
the override code for this so I can leg it.

136
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:43,160
- It's too soon. I'm not an officer yet.
- The trial begins tomorrow, man. Without the nanobots,

137
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,834
our defence has more holes than my socks.

138
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:51,439
But once you've legged it, where does that leave me? I'm not helping
you escape then losing my insider knowledge.

139
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,036
- I'm not an officer yet.
- Whoa! We shook hands on a deal.

140
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,634
Yeah, but Lister, you know me.

141
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,919
My handshake's less reliable
than a plumber's estimate.

142
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,674
No escapo, no more info.

143
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,956
Listy, that's not gonna help you.

144
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,396
I've got the confidential files.

145
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,752
Plus I went through Starbug's salvage,
and I found these.

146
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:23,198
- The luck virus. Sexual magnetism.
- Positive viruses. Holly told me everything.

147
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:30,351
Take some of this, it gives you luck and this gives
you sexual magnetism. I've already tried some.

148
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:35,833
Right now, Yvonne McGruder is sleeping off
the first 23 pages of the "Kama Sutra".

149
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,231
So, you're reneging on the deal, then,
breaking your promise?

150
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,314
Being a total scum-sucking,
two-faced weaselly weasel.

151
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,074
Ah! My entry in "Who's Who?"

152
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,115
You left some of your luck behind, man.
I touched the tube.

153
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,433
Sheer Luck!

154
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,999
Yes!

155
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,510
You may, if you prefer, stand with the others
tomorrow and the face charges against you.

156
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,560
However, I advise that you have
your corrupted files repaired,

157
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,597
after which you may go free.

158
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,353
What is your decision?

159
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,240
NNN...

160
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,799
NNN...

161
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,031
NNN... Oh, it's no good.

162
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,248
OK, let's all stay calm.
No need to be alarmed.

163
00:13:36,272 --> 00:13:40,680
After all, Kryten is merely holding us
hostage, which is lovely, isn't it, everyone?

164
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,593
We don't want any trouble.
we'll just do what you say.

165
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,116
Come on, then. Come with me.

166
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,239
(KRYTEN) Go on... Inside, inside. That's it. Go on.
All of you. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Here we go.

167
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,990
That's it. Now, I want you to take
down your pants and sit on a toilet.

168
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,796
- Oh, my God. He's mad.
- Then what are you going to do to us?

169
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,713
I'm going to look at you.

170
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,191
He's totally mad.

171
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,351
Just do what he says.

172
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,397
Lovely!

173
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,232
(LAUGHS)

174
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,276
(HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER)

175
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,513
Now I want you to ask me the question again.

176
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,992
- What question?
- Do I want to have my corrupted files repaired?

177
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,554
Do you want your corrupted files repaired?

178
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,158
NNN...

179
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,311
NNN...

180
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,800
NNNNo.

181
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,112
I did it! No. Nnnno, I don't.

182
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,917
The answer to the question is no.

183
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:59,076
No doubt about it. I do not want
my corrupted files repaired. The answer is Nnnnno!

184
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:16,832
And you just put in any old code you felt like, and the
luck virus made you pick the right one? That's brilliant!

185
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,392
- Yeah, I just rubbed me finger over the top of the tube.
- That's brilliant, that's just brilliant!

186
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,793
Oh, it's a pity you didn't do the same
with the sexual magnetism.

187
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,351
(SHE MOANS)

188
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,519
Is that a new shirt?

189
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,917
No. I've had it a while.

190
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,913
- It's really nice.
- Thanks.

191
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,630
- It's really, really nice. Really suits you.
- Thanks.

192
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,471
It brings out the brownness in your eyes.

193
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:18,150
Oh, God, Dave, I'm so sorry!
I don't know what happened there.

194
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,311
I think I do.

195
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,518
I had some sexual magnetism virus
on this hand,

196
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,877
but the luck virus cured it for me.
Thanks, pal (!)

197
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,509
I don't know what got into me.

198
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,513
Well, nothing, sadly.

199
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,869
Hello. I'm the Data Doctor.

200
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:54,557
If you would like me to examine
your hard disk, press examine.

201
00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,631
Your mechanoid appears to have developed
the following rogue emotions.

202
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:15,070
If you wish to eradicate these emotions
from his database, press fix.

203
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,991
All line blocks and corrupted personality disks

204
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,719
have now been fixed,

205
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,439
Reboot your mechanoid.

206
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:39,239
His personality has now been restored
to its factory settings.

207
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,791
My name is Kryten.

208
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,076
I am programmed to serve.

209
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,038
Can I be of service?

210
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:50,398
- Bring me a coffee, please, Kryten.
- Certainly, ma'am.

211
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,159
Then you may scrub the floor.

212
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,675
Yes, ma'am.

213
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,832
Are you happy, Kryten?

214
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,676
I have no understanding of human emotions,
ma'am. I am programmed to serve.

215
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,319
Excellent.

216
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,718
I'm gonna be Colin Charisma
at the captain’s supper with this stuff.

217
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,757
(ALL) Hi.

218
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,279
Hi.

219
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,918
And if we approach lightspeed, I think we have to be aware

220
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,472
we could come across something I believe
we'd experience called future echoes.

221
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,712
Episodal pockets of futurey things.

222
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,673
- From the future.
- Fascinating.

223
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,514
What a fascinating man you are, Mr Rimmer.

224
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:56,151
I think we've greatly underestimated you
over the years, Arnold.

225
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,551
- Let me find out where that coffee is.
- Oh no, Captain please. Allow me.

226
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,550
Perhaps you could help me, Mr Rimmer?

227
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,953
Why, certainly, and perhaps we can talk
about my theory on backwards universes.

228
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,835
And of course, in a backwards universe,
many things start to make more sense...

229
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,834
Oh, my God, you are sexy!

230
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,958
So very, very sexy!

231
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:35,154
- Bravo, bud. What now?
- Well, we find Kryten, get to the landing bay

232
00:19:35,178 --> 00:19:37,355
grab a ship and get the hell out of town.

233
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,591
- (BEEPING)
- He's on this floor.

234
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,631
Here he is.

235
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,480
Krytie, come on.

236
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:51,270
Are you addressing me, sir?
I don't believe we've had the pleasure.

237
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,751
What have they done do you, Kryten?
You sound like Noel Coward's elocution teacher!

238
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,154
Well, if you'll forgive me, sir,
I have my duties to perform. Good day.

239
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:05,950
Oh, they've fixed all his corrupted files.
He mustn't have been able to say no.

240
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,440
Someone's coming!

241
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,993
- We've got to get a better disguise.
- We already got a disguise!

242
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,232
What's the point of a disguise, if you wear it under your normal outfit?

243
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,359
A grey boiler suit? You think I'm gonna wear this on the outside?

244
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,111
Look, we're not leaving without him.

245
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,709
I don't care what they've done to him, he's
coming with us. He's part of the posse.

246
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:31,589
Hey, I've got a great idea for a new disguise!

247
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,313
What?

248
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,313
The Dibbley family!

249
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,073
Yes!

250
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,434
Ah, there you are.

251
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,119
Any news on the coffee?

252
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,632
Drat! We forgot.

253
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,716
I'll find out right away, sir.

254
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,679
I'll give you a hand, Mr Rimmer.

255
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:40,037
Sorry to interrupt, sir, but we're searching
this floor for the escaped prisoners.

256
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:44,990
Sorry, we haven't seen 'em.
It's just me, my wife here, and my brother.

257
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,231
- Hello
- Hi

258
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,832
- Hi
- I don't recollect seeing you guys before.

259
00:21:49,856 --> 00:21:53,510
That's because we don't
go out much looking like this.

260
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,793
What do you guys do?

261
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,237
Computer programmers.

262
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:06,150
- If you see anything suspicious, call security OK?
- Oh, you bet.

263
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,880
Begging your pardon, sirs. I just need to get a mop.

264
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,315
How peculiar. My mop heads are missing.

265
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,233
Don't I know you, sir? Wayne...

266
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,556
Wayne something... Wayne Wibbley.

267
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,796
- Where do I know you from?
- No no, sir. You're mistaken.

268
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,430
You're mixing me up
with some other big-teethed dork.

269
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,710
Let him speak.
Where do you know him from?

270
00:22:31,734 --> 00:22:33,388
- Are you out of your mind?
- Shh, shh.

271
00:22:33,412 --> 00:22:35,113
Where do you know him from? Think!

272
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,511
I feel I'm about to discover
something wonderful,

273
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,435
but when I discover it,
it will put someone in great danger.

274
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,879
I feel an emotion.

275
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,997
I feel two emotions.

276
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,834
Two different emotions. I feel...

277
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,832
- I feel...
- Ambivalence.

278
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,631
I can feel my files corrupting.

279
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,952
They're corrupting... (GROANS)

280
00:22:58,120 --> 00:22:59,918
Oh, yes! That's good.

281
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:07,553
I'm back and I'm bad - obviously,
within certain sensible preset parameters.

282
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,873
(HOLLY) Attention!
Reported prisoner sighting on C deck.

283
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,873
Reported prisoner sighting on C deck.

284
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,031
Nice one, Hol!

285
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,631
- What's wrong with you?
- Do you get the impression this is too easy?

286
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,475
Like everything's going for us?
Like they always want us to escape?

287
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,598
Hey, I was just thinking aloud.

288
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,832
- No, no, the luck virus. It's helping us.
- Oh.

289
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,280
A-choo!

290
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,800
Put your kit on.

291
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,360
(GASPS)

292
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,876
Here we are. Remembered the coffee at last.

293
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,230
What about the mints?

294
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,839
I'll go.

295
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,479
Would you like to help me, Mr Rimmer?

296
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:18,039
It's just, I've got so much coffee, I don't think
I can manage to get any mints until tomorrow.

297
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,753
Well, psychotropic testing
should be well underway by now.

298
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:31,073
- Those results sure are gonna be interesting.
- Psychotropic what?

299
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:37,156
The Lister case is so unusual that I decided to invoke
my right to use psychotropic evidence.

300
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,154
The accused are drugged,
wired to a mainframe,

301
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,915
then the computer feeds
in various hypothetical scenarios

302
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,754
and their reactions are laid down on tape.

303
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:53,074
Right now, they believe they're escaping,
but we just want to observe what they do.

304
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:58,553
So that means that if anyone happens
to mention any special agreements

305
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,075
that they've entered into, then...

306
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:05,511
Could you excuse me?
I think I've... left the iron on.

307
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:12,798
(FEMALE OFFICERS) Hi...
(RIMMER) Hi...

308
00:25:12,822 --> 00:25:16,434
What is wrong with me? I've got
the sexual appetite of a mountain lion.

309
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,456
No, worse - a first-year
nursing student.

310
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,391
It's just being wanted, it's such an aphrodisiac.
Got to get some control back.

311
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,510
- Hi.
- Hi....

312
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,956
I never realised you were
so damn popular with the ladies.

313
00:26:26,957 --> 00:26:30,268
- Maybe you can share your secret some time.
- Yes, sir.

314
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,752
("Little Green Bag" by George Baker)

315
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,349
- (SQUEAKING)
- Guys, it's Bob and Madge.

316
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,558
Shoo, guys, shoo. Go on, we're trying to escape.

317
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,109
You'll never get past security so, go on! Go on!

318
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,755
# It's cold outside,
there's no kind of atmosphere

319
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,117
# I'm all alone, more or less

320
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,352
# Let me fly far away from here

321
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,319
# Fun, fun, fun

322
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,030
# In the sun, sun, sun

323
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,511
# [ want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose

324
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,718
# Drinking fresh mango juice

325
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,157
# Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes

326
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:47,914
# Fun, fun, fun

327
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,596
# In the sun, sun, sun

328
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,752
# Fun, fun, fun

329
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:59,073
# In the sun, sun, sun #